Dear 7-11,
Okay, girl, you're in Manhattan now; you need to adjust a bit to our lifestyle if you're going to make it here. We aren't like your larger-scaled customers in say, Missouri. We like our drinks without corn syrup. We like chemical additives like Splenda, NutraSweet, and even saccharine. So you need to have more flavors in your Slurpee machine to cater to us, as we can give you press and sexy, semi-ironic je ne sais quois.
Case in point. You have only one diet flavor in the Slurpee machine and it is sold out! Props, however, for choosing Crystal Light (though we prefer cocaine). I'd love to see a Tab Slurpee! That would be the poo!
Warm regards -
Manhattan Offender
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Please help MO help 7-11 adjust to its new environs. Write to them here.
