Manhattan Offender

How gay is this guy?

You decide (via wikipedia, emphases mine):

He graduated first in the class of 1973 from La Lumiere, a small Catholic boarding school near LaPorte, Indiana. He studied six years of Latin and some French and was known for his devotion to his studies. He was co-captain of the football team and described himself as a "slow-footed linebacker." He also wrestled, was co-editor of the school newspaper, served on the athletic council and served on the Executive Committee of the Student Council. He also took part in choir and drama.

My early years were very similar and, dude, I'm a total 'mo.

(PS - Yes, this is off topic.)

UPDATE:  See how this little joke has evolved into a rumor here or here.  Or just see the trackbacks from the cuckoos below!  And while you're here, read a few other posts to see what Manhattan Offender is really about! FOLLOWUP

What happens in Vegas ... um, probably shouldn't

After reading about the replica East Village planned for Las Vegas, I can only think of what a fine job the project's developer previously did replicating New York.  At the New York, New York Hotel and Casino (gods, the embarrassment, I've stayed there ... long story), it is like being at home, but in the desert.  You can visit all of your favorite NYC hotspots, like ESPN Zone!

Although the East Village project is not a hotel and is mostly retail/restaurant/office space, perhaps a few suggestions are in order for our oxygenated friends in the desert:

• You must must MUST have a methadone-themed shop or restaurant.  Ruby Tuesdays, meet Methadone Mondays!
• Ignoring the East Village's bathhouse history would be a shame.  Maybe a St. Marks Bath ... and Bodyworks?
• It's great that other East Village landmarks have been included, like the Washington Square Park arch, the Meatpacking District, and the beloved Diamond District.  But why not include the wonderful East Village Cloisters and East Village Bronx Zoo, too?
• Retailing gold goes to whomever capitalizes on the East Village drag movement.  A Wigstock venue (Lady Bunny's Vaginatorium?) is a must!
• And to keep it all modern, you must remember that the East Village has been 'gentrified' so be sure to keep it on the sterile side and just a little twatty.  Oh, you are?  Perfect!

Feel good about voting again?

It's fantastic that Brian Ellner is running for Manhattan Borough President.  It's about time the gays had a little power in this town (in something outside of media, fashion, architecture, entertainment, etc.).  But his campaign signs sporting the tag line "Feel good about voting again" are, um, awful.

The tag line is evocative of a hygiene product more than a political advertisement.  Any suggestions?

Hateful Slurpees

Dear 7-11,

Okay, girl, you're in Manhattan now; you need to adjust a bit to our lifestyle if you're going to make it here.  We aren't like your larger-scaled customers in say, Missouri.  We like our drinks without corn syrup.  We like chemical additives like Splenda, NutraSweet, and even saccharine.  So you need to have more flavors in your Slurpee machine to cater to us, as we can give you press and sexy, semi-ironic je ne sais quois.

Case in point.  You have only one diet flavor in the Slurpee machine and it is sold out!  Props, however, for choosing Crystal Light (though we prefer cocaine).  I'd love to see a Tab Slurpee!  That would be the poo!

Warm regards -

Manhattan Offender

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Please help MO help 7-11 adjust to its new environs.  Write to them here.

Brazilian rain for us

Possibly it was the karma of not paying to go to Bowery Ballroom to see the Brazilian Girls and waiting to see them at SummerStage for free, but it was probably more the blame of this horrid string of weather that caused a sudden downpour during what was a great set.  More interesting was the reaction to the very mixed crowd that was grooving to the show.

1. The free.  If life serves lemons, this crowd puts lemon slices in their vodka tonics.  Rain or no rain, they just kept dancing, if not more fervently. 
2. The destroyed.  Just wrecked.  Life sucks.  Hasty exits by this crowd.
3. The innovators.  Took the materials around them and made them work.  Picnic blankets, newspapers, and more made makeshift shelters.  (Offender was sexy, sexy, sexy in his Whole Foods parka/shrug.)
4. The prepared.  From under their umbrellas, I'm not sure what radiated more, the warmth and dry environment they had created for themselves or the utter self-righteousness of having lugged around their umbrella around all day just for that moment of satisfaction when they would be among the few that were dry.

P.S. - The photo is a total cheat.  That's a rainstorm in the Maldives, which is apparently a group of islands off of India.  There was no way I was getting my phone soaked in that rain!

Tribeca - for visitors only

Subaru recently unleashed a new SUV on the market with a marketing-friendly moniker:  the Tribeca.  Funyuns almost flew out of my mouth when I saw a television ad for this $30,000 transport.  Other than the pricepoint, there doesn't seem to be much in the vehicle that is evocative of Tribeca, so I sought more information.  This Adweek article quotes Suburu's director of advertising:

One of the targets is definitely the urban buyer.  ... There's an urban sensibility; we are targeting the kind of people—young families—coming into the city for film festivals, or museum visits.

So apparently it isn't for residents of Tribeca, just crossers of bridges and/or tunnels headed for Tribeca.

Fabian Basabe is important?

I used to be important.  I was independent, intelligent, invigorating and intoxicating.  Now I is incomed, irrelevant, and often insipid.  V.I.P. isn't what it used to be.

Spurred on by just too much coverage of Fabian Basabe in the past few days, The Offender remembers back when V.I.P. entrance wasn't just a test of one's willingness to throw back $200 on a bottle of Absolut.  It used to be that the V.I.P. was a place to meet amazing, interesting people.  Artists, writers, musicians, drag queens and, well, drug dealers.  But increasingly the nightlife industry seems to increasingly court "people with money that have nothing to say".

Who is to blame?  A new generation raised on Jules Asner's "Wild On ..." thinks it is 'wild' to drink and spend money, and, if you are just cuh-razee, you might jump on a table and dance.  Maybe they haven't been exposed to Miss Understood dripping wax on a drunken wall-streeter or go-go dancers that actually go at it. 

And now they apparently never will.  Bars open and close frequently, mostly because there is nothing compelling happening within their doors.  And with the numerous clubs trying to attract the same insipid crowd on a weekly basis, nothing probably ever will.  Bring back drama, glamor, and fun.  That's how to pack the house.  (When does Michael Alig get out of jail?)

Don't get me wrong.  The Offender can still charm his way around most velvets, but why do it if behind the curtain there are no wizards, just little machines with bright shiny lights?

An Evening with Liza Minelli??? WTF?

I mean really!  Something this gay is going on TONIGHT? And I don't know about it?  And Coney Island?  WTFx2!I  've never seen Liza live, but I know she turns it out.  It's funny.  I used to quiz the older gays about Liza (and Barbra and Judy).  But over time, I dropped my attitude and I just finally got it.  These homegirls feel. 

Ok, resume normal stoic Offender mode, Jessica Savitch style.

7-11 is the new black

Dean and DeLuca your days are numbered.  7-11 has opened on 23rd Street and it is hoppin'.  The line to get in the door is long.  Hipsters, bankers and folks of all types are breaking down the door to get in.

Granted it could be all the free sandwiches that they are giving away on the street.  And the free Slurp-ees (sp?) that they are giving away on the inside.

Or it could be the guy dressed as a giant Slurp-ee standing outside.

Metro Weakend

Okay, fine, I read Metro.  It's free, compact and the guy handing them out at my subway station looks like a pissed-on puppy dog if I don't accept his hand-out.  Plus the Times is available online. 

Today Metro introduced a "new" weekend section, essentially repackaging their usual fare, adding movie listings and some other bland fare.  A page by page breakdown:

First page - Hype mostly, telling you what is inside:  a Missy Elliot interview, movie reviews of Dark Water and Fantastic Four, New York City's best burger and an introduction to the 'new' section by section editor Catherine New.  New's introduction essentially tells you that there is a Missy Elliot interview, movie reviews and restaurant picks inside.  Oh, and some gossip.  There is one glaring typo (to me anyway); New tells of an interview with Jessica Alba inside with what Alba was in common with Sue Stone of the Fantastic Four.  Um, even someone that is only 30% geek can tell you it's Sue Storm, as mentioned on the very next page of your section.  Editor, edit thyself.

Second and third pages - "Films" A bunch of movie reviews.  Some for movies that have just come out.  Others for movies that have been out for weeks now.  Surely you can't be planning to rehash every week.

Fourth and fifth pages - "Music + Arts"  Well, mostly music, with a Missy Elliott interview where you can learn that Missy has quit smoking pot.  Uh, huh.  One column of live music this weekend, such as Def Leppard.  Some album reviews with even more rehashing: the White Stripes new album came out more than a month ago.  An interview with Jamel Shabazz, a profile of some band with a long name and another column with gallery listings.  Oh, and something that looked like an ad, but is a "photo feature" asking some dull girl what dull music she is listening to and why.

Sixth and seventh pages - "People" One page of the regular gossip section and one page with interviews of Jessica Alba and Jennifer Connely, both of whom have new movies out (so maybe this belongs in the Movies section?).

Eighth and ninth pages - "Going Out"  Which is a food section.  Hmm.  Why not call it Eating Out, or, if that's too cunnigular for you, maybe Dining Out?  Oh, and that best burger in New York?  It was selected by GQ magazine, those arbiters of fine dining.  And it's at the Burger Joint in Le Parker Meridien.  So the news of 2001.

Tenth and eleventh pages (will it ever end) - "Listings"  Which is movie listings.  So in reality there are five pages of movies, just under half of the pages of the Weekend spectacular.  I'm sorry, but if the majority of our options for the weekend are going to see the movies, we might as well be living in Dubuque.

And that's it.  Finally.  In the introduction Catherine New writes:  "Put this newspaper in your bag - you're going to need it!"  And on a rainy day like today, she's right.  It makes a good umbrella.