Manhattan Offender

Sharing is the new selling

It's sad enough that two 18 year olds have died from some sort of heroin overdose.  (The heroin has been reported as either tainted or overly pure, the strangest take on a madonna/whore complex ever.)

What is more sad is that one of the men who gave the girls cocaine has been arrested for selling.  As the Times reports: 

Investigators said they believed he gave the cocaine to the women free, but such an exchange would still fall under laws against selling drugs.

The law was likely meant to circumvent 'mules' who would deliver drugs after money was exchanged with another party.  In the case of two older guys that meet two younger girls, hang out, ask that oh-so-common question "Do you like to party?", hang out some more and then do drugs together, the application of the law is a bit forced.

Of course, Gawker got to this before me with an added line of advice: 

So you know that chick in the bathroom line at Bungalow who wants to “share a stall” with you? Just say no.

B.O.B.

Offender:  Just start calling him Bob.

Evie Lynn:  Bob, why Bob?

Offender:  B.O.B.:  Big Old Bitch

Time for a new tagline

Apparently, the city is nasty again.  Gawker reports:

...we took a look at what we’ve been covering the past few days: heroin, stabbings, deadly personal trainers, and now, flammable mass transit. What the hell is going on?

Then it hit us: NYC is edgy again. Thank God, ‘cause we were getting a bit bored with our lattes.

Edgy, nasty, whatevs.  My work is done here.

Domino delivers ... laundry

According to metro the new Conde Nast shopping mag domino is offering to do the laundry of the first 20 people that send a message to laundry@domino-mag.com .  Oh, wait, they are actually offering to do one load of laundry.  There are two full bags at the Offender household, one is about 20 pounds (whites, socks, and underwear), and the other is about 40 pounds (everything else).  The convenience of having one load done by some Conde Nast editrixies is sort of nil. 

Also, to have to wait for my Basquiat tee while the dominauts try to decide if a certain flavor of Tide will take out cum stains is not very appealing.

CBGB: Just let go

As there are only two weeks before the lease expires for the venerated CBGB, maybe it is time for owner Hilly Kristal to let it go.  As the negotiations with their landlord are consistently finding new snags perhaps it is time to give the landlord, Bowery Residents' Committee what they apparently want:  'prime' real estate rented out at market value. 

With CBGB gone BRC will most likely have a new 'trendy' client (there's already a Starbucks nearby).  The trendy client (let's call it 'Chaise') will require much construction and renovation as it is highly unlikely that they would set up shop in the space as is.  Chaise will attract a trendy clientele, much more high-maintenance and much less likely to tolerate the occasional madness of the BRC's transient tenants upstairs.  Drama ensues.  Someone will inevitably be stabbed outside of Chaise and, although the CBGB clientele would have found this a draw, the Chaise crowd will dwindle.  Chaise will close, leaving months of unpaid back-rent. 

Months will pass with no rent coming in, but eventually the memory of what the Post will call the 'Chaise Bloodbath' will become a memory.  Then will come another trendy client (Horizontal?) and the cycle will continue.  Any expected boon will not come.

Meanwhile, CBGB will either sell out their name with CBGB's becoming the next House of Blues/ESPN Zone chain restaurant or they will move themselves to a more 'rock-and-roll' type neighborhood, say Avenue D or Red Hook.  Krystal will go on.

The moral of this speculative fable:  BRC, be careful what you wish for.

SIDENOTE:  CBGB evokes 'cobwebs' from my spell checker.

Gay Litmus Test

A quick review of the websites of the mayoral candidates (Bloomberg, Ferrer, Miller, Weiner, I couldn't find one for Fields), only the Mayor's site mentions the gays.  Although he's no Gavin Newsome, Bloomberg has always said the right things regarding gay marriage and other issues.  The fact that he has contributed money to his party which basically wants the gay population to, well, die is a huge mitigating factor.

If one of the Democrats would step up to the plate, all we ask is that they swing the bat.  No need to pitch or catch.

Beach bag makeover

"Oh, you're just here for the day?"  It's a question that makes me seethe, but when Mr. Offender and I are both carrying a full-day's supply of beach necessities in separate beach bags, it's inevitably asked.  Sure, if we were more organized we could be out for the week in a comfy share, but we're a mess.  Or maybe our friends are a mess because we try to do the share thing every year but it just never seems to work out.
The stigma is overwhelming, but a little strategy can help.  Granted, to pull this off, you have to be a duo, but if your going to the beach by yourself, there is a likelihood that you're slutty, so you probably aren't that worried about stigma.  (And call me.)
First, empty out your current bag.  Chances are you are carrying extra sun-blocks, bottle openers and flipflops that you don't need to be.  Next, carefully assess what you need as a single versus what you need as a team.  Towels can be shared (unless you have crabs).  Sunscreens can be shared.  Anything that is duplicated can be narrowed down.  Next, remove anything that you are taking to enjoy the trip out.  Trash the books, the iPods, and all that crap.  On the ride out, consider conversation.  (A flask can be brought along for facilitation.)  By all means, tents and umbrellas are out of the question.  No change of clothes are needed other than the swimmies.  It's the beach; everyone looks a little skank.
The newly optimized beach bag contains:  two sunblocks (one for face, one for body), one towel, one sheet, rolling papers, some pills, a flask, Skin-So-Soft bug repellent wipes, deodorant, and a Star magazine.  And that's it.  Switch off carrying the bag with your buddy and you can walk freely. 
"Am I doing a share?  Oh no, lover, I own."

Offender for hire

Read me?  Like me?  Hire me.  Or at least advise me. 

I'm a mid-level business manager with a diverse background.  But I'd rather be writing.

And yes, this is off-topic, but I've had a rough week. 

Another Sunday in the Pines

It's almost like the U.S. Senate; a bunch of rich white men getting together from all over.  Except these rich white men have sprinklings of just about every race and even a few women thrown in for good measure.  Oh, and they're gay (openly!)  Gay gay gay, gay gay, gay gay.  Take a look.

Logos a gogo

So it seemed that victory over the proliferation of logos at P.S. 1 might have been achieved.  Despite the preponderance of visors, beach balls, seat cushions and fans, the majority of the marketing materials were in mangled mounds on the ground.

As I am wont to do, I walked around taking people pictures.  The last person in front of my lens sent my quixotesque quest against the logos a few steps back.  As I was getting her into the frame, she insisted, "Hey daddy, be sure to get the Christian Dior handbag in there."