7:40pm - A pot-luck for the Academy Awards? Okay. But, um, where are are guests? Roro is what? Sick? And the others are on their way? But I'm hungry.
7:45pm - There was just a video montage of romantic movements of nominated films in the past year. It was okay to see with a PROSTITUTE and her trick. It was okay to show a romantic scene with a woman and an APE. But no romantic scene with two men. It's going to be a long night.
8:02pm - First shot of the stage. The font for "Oscar" looks like a soda logo.
8:04pm - Billy Crystal and Chris Rock? George Clooney in bed with Jon Stewart? It's gonna' be the gayest Oscars ever.
8:10pm - Charlize Theron may be the best looking woman of the night.
8:12pm - Brokeback Mountain joke count - 1 (a big one)
8:20pm - George Clooney just arrived on the stage and the music is already playing? What is that about?
8:25pm - Tom Hanks - instant joke killer.
8:34pm - If ya'll keep knocking on Naomi Watts' dress, you are not getting any of my famous chili.
8:37pm - When Dolly Parton was a child, she lived in a small town that had a 'town whore'. She thought that woman was the prettiest thing she'd ever seen.
8:48pm - Some lady is on the stage wearing a pooh-brown dress with a capelet. Capelets are excellent for hiding tatoos on the forearm.
8:49pm - Jennifer Aniston looks kind of, um, serial killer.
8:55pm - JC Penney is trying so hard. Bless their heart. But even Mandee's had these copies of last year's hot looks out already.
9:02pm - At the tech awards dinner, perhaps someone could slip a plate to Rachel McAdams.
9:10pm - Tab Energy, available soon at the Blue Whale.
9:25pm - Jennifer Lopez wins for best tan.
9:29pm - Goldfrapp in a Diet Coke comercial. Nice.
9:33pm - Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reaves. Maybe reinacting scenes from Speed? Unfortunately not.
9:35pm - The music playing during the speeches is just a bad idea. Even though we aren't listening to this guy that won for, um, something, it's just rude.
9:45pm - And the award for Best Hair Sweepback goes to ... Ms. Salma Hayek.
9:47pm - Wait! Why are we discussing Juliette Lewis as Ithak Perlman plays. That junky isn't at the Academy Awards! Oh, Original Score.
10:05pm - Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep have just perfectly conveyed the essence of Robert Altman. Amazing! Gotta. Just gotta find this on YouTube! (UPDATE: Done.)
10:20pm - Wait. It's the Tony awards. No. It's a rap song. It's a rap song that looks like a musical. It's hard out here for a pimp. So true.
10:35pm - Tab Energy, available now at the Blue Whale.
10:47pm - Every time I hear Hustle and Flow I think of Flo on Alice, serving lots of tables, you know, really hustling.
11:01pm - None of us here are fans of Reese Witherspoon. Mitigating factor: the camera panning to Ryan Phillipe.
11:24pm - The Crash DVD has been sitting in a box next to my DVD player for a couple of months. Maybe we'll see that soon. And have a pig picking.
Out.
