And this is how the day began:
- 6:00 a.m.: Wake up to alarm
- 6:10 a.m.: Read e-mail. Personal, then work.
- 6:30 a.m.: Leave for the gym (clothing prearranged the night previous).
- 6:55 a.m.: Arrive at gym. Be waved through without card as woman at the desk knows your face since you arrive at the same time every day.
- 7:00 a.m.: Walk past abdominals "section" promising yourself that tomorrow will be the day for abs.
- 7:01 a.m.: Observe that your favorite machine on which to warm up (climbing stairs on treadmill) is occupied by the same person that is always occupying it at this time. Run five minutes on treadmill. Note the people walking on the street outside are the same people that were on the street outside yesterday, although some have changed their clothes.
- 7:07 a.m.: Go down two levels to weights. Pass Brasilian queen that always has that "I'm angry and it smells in here" face. Remember that this queen also has a place in the Pines and you don't. Tilt head, thrust chin, smile, and say "Morning," just like you did yesterday.
- 7:08 a.m.: Drink water. Observe self in mirror. Act like you are stretching out your shoulders, but actually just really flex out your arms. Smile at yourself. Don't be caught smiling at yourself, freakazoid. Why are you even looking at yourself anyways? You're a virgin that can't drive.
- 7:10 a.m.: Three different types of bench presses. Four different things with cables. Biceps and triceps with free weights. Avoid misogynistic thoughts regarding woman in free weight area. Her five-pound dumbellito is just as important as your 65-pounder.
- 8:30 a.m.: Up two flights to shower. Frown at pale skinny monkey-faced boy walking around showing his sad shriveled penis to anyone that will look. Frown so he knows that the look of desperation and longing on his face paired with desperation and longing of his actions is not acceptable. Contemplate making him a project, teaching him to socialize properly. Change mind and frown harder as he watches you undress.
- 8:40 a.m.: Furrow brow as drying off so that PSM-F boy knows that it is not appropriate to stare. Just as it wasn't yesterday. Contemplate saying something as it is the same every day. Contemplate taking his picture and getting a tattoo (temporary) of his face on your ass but realize that he is not worth the time. Furrow harder.
- 8:47 a.m.: Wave back to counter ladies as exiting. Proceed to deli. Receive unheated egg-white with salsa wrap, large vanilla iced coffee with soy. Pay. Be handed change with three packs of Splenda. Realize that you have not spoken a word since entering the place. Either you are mentally controlling the actions of all four of the workers involved in your transaction or you are amazingly boring and predictable. Or a little of both.
- 8:53 a.m.: Cross to Walgreens to buy 12-pack of Diet Sunkist (at $4.50 for 12 that's $7.50 you're saving). Allow woman behind you in line ahead because she is mumbling that you should "move up, move up, move up because some of us have to get to work mister slowpoke". Be proud that you are suppressing the "Fuck you, bitch" that is in your mind and then realize that, well, you sort of actually did say it. Turn around to ignore rant and go when "Next" is called. Feel reaffirmed that the cashier says, "So you got your dose of crazy early today, huh?" and don't reveal that you sort of uncorked the crazepagne. Realize as the cashier says, "Sweetie? No almonds today?" that this woman also knows your activities.
- 8:57 a.m.: Approach office and review the fact that employees at the gym, deli, and drug store have a reasonable knowledge of your daily activities because you are either deep in a routine or somewhat memorable. Vow to become more private. More stealth.
- 8:59 a.m.: Sit down and write about new private, stealthy you.
