Manhattan Offender

Phone-cam quickie: Live with Jim and Tammy?

Are Regis Philbin and Kelly Ripa transforming into Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker?

In summery

Summer summer summertime//Time to sit back and unwind

Summary of a city summer weekend full of new things:

• There is a natural depression of the appetite that happens in the heat that can lead to weight loss in the summer, but the smell of a grill will knock it out every time.  A weekend that started at a barbecue in Clinton Hill featuring vegetarian dishes followed by chicken, dogs, London broil, lamburgers, and plain old burgers and ended with a burger with chipolte mayo at the Eagle saw me losing not a pound.
• Lesbian bar Caddyshack in Red Hook is fun in proportion to the number of Jager shots that one has consumed.  The crowd that closed out the night was a blast.
• Finding a sofa on craigslist is daunting.  Actually seeing it and falling in love with it is awesome. 
• Is there some relation between being single and increasing the number of mirrors in your space by over 400%?
• The Rug Doctor is an effective tool, but your downstairs neighbor may not concur.
• Standing in the line for the Sandy Hook ferry puts you face to face with a cross-section of oddities.  Starting with the Midtown Maven that stood behind our group and, since we were apparently very gay, thrust an article on nontraditional marriage into our circle, grazing one gay and disturbing two others.  Without a beat, my response came thrusting the article back into her hands:  "Honey, I just went through a gay divorce and that's the last thing I want to read."
• There are increasingly more platinum blonde Florida-esque women in the city.
• Walking the way between the ferry and the beach at Sandy Hook, it is best to conjure scripts for horror movies as the place seems like a perfect setting for one.
• The people that should be naked are not.  And vice versa.
• Next time:  camera.
• Yaffa in Tribeca continues to please.
• The Dugout has increased the price of beer for it's beer blast to $4.00.  If I'm going to stand shirtless in front of their establishment, my drinks should be discounted, if not free.
• The taps at the Eagle were not functioning at their beer blast.
• Along with grilled meat, Jagermeister with the other bookend for my summery summer weekend.

Meanwhile:

LIRR "eye spy"

Just a few things to look for if you aren't asleep as your train takes you out to Fire Island ...

Phone-cam quickie: Oo baby baby, oh baby baby

Is it just me or are there a lot of babies in Madison Square Park?

Fire Island officials on the run, or runs

"We're very confident now ... that it was a sampling error," reports a Suffolk County Water Authority official in today's NewsDay.  The official story, pending further Water Authority investigation is that the water samples may have been improperly handled by the person collecting the samples.   There is  human evidence which suggests otherwise.

To put it out there, I still have the runs.  One of my housemates had the runs.  A friend seen on Christopher Street Sunday informed me that four of his friends have the runs.  As a person that prides himself on the regularity and solidity of my fecal output, I call bullshit, or peopleshit as the case may be.

Yes, a water scare would be injurious to the businesses on the island, but if the problem has been resolved, the scare is unfounded.  If there was a problem with the water, it would be better to be up front regarding the issue and not pass off the issue as a human error.

Thus far, reportage has focussed solely on the statements of officials, but not on people affected by this poo-mergency.  Can every "is this a fart or am I going to poo myself" moment of the past six days that has been experienced by at least six people truly have been coincidence?  Will officials of Suffolk County be able to "poo-poo" this issue away?

Pet Shop Boys - Fundamental Contest

We have a winner.  Congratulations to Joseph of California. 

The winning lyric: 

• "Beat your face
  and rat your hair"

His was the third entry and by playing eeny-meeny with the number of trees in the central lawn of Madison Square Park, your entry was selected.  Random indeed!

Phone-cam quickie: The gar badge of courage

Near my home in Astoria ...

Invasion 2006

Finally, a little video of the Invasion which showcases not only the creativity, energy and electricity in the air but also my lack of video editing skills. 

Music:  My Sweet Summer Suite by The Love Unlimited Orchestra from Super Disco Friends, DJ Muro disc

Beach beef

Point a camera at random guys as they walk down the beach?  Not ask their approval?  Abuse the power of the high mega-pixeled Offender-cam?  Me?  Never.

As always, clicking causes bigness.  Any favorites?  Mine are the first and the last.

The fire down below

Morning comes and out of habit the daily breakfast is prepared in tandem with a housemate.  Sharing a pan for our respective bacon and our respective eggs, my eye adores this creation that has become a daily treat here in our Fire Island house.  A vegetable wrap blankets the two strips of bacon, the one egg (scrambled), and the generous proportion of Monterrey Jack cheese.  This is done out of habit.

Just after two another housemate announces that we are to join him for lunch.  Demurring his offer politely, but firmly, I retreat to the roof deck to battle the tempermental BarrierFree wireless connection.  With the holiday fever pitch at last relenting, it is a good time to check in with the outside world.  But my name is called, insistently, then repeatedly.  A plate has been prepared and must be sat down to.  The quarter roast chicken and gnocchi are picked at and eventually half-eaten.  This is done out of politeness.

As the rainy afternoon glides by eventually the Heineken mini-keg that I've named "Buddy" (and is perhaps the best invention of the twenty-first century) beckons from it's refrigerated refuge.  Buddy's spigot is pushed and cups fill, multiple times.  This is done out of freedom.

A housemate's idea of running to the Pantry agrees with the intoxicated mind.  What is a beer-blast anyway without dogs and ears of corn on the grill?  Without chips and a chipolte salsa?  (And again the happiness that I am not among "fancy gays" pleases the mind.)  These comfort foods turn out perfectly and fill the appetite yet again, although the left-over birthday cake is passed upon.  This is done out of gluttony.

The excitement of seeing Margaret Cho perform with some of my favorite superstars (Tigger, World Famous BOB, Dirty Martini, Mike Albo) and actually shaking the nimble hand of the (dare I say) beautiful Ms. Cho yet again excites the brain cells (sparse as they may be at this point).  Since it's "beer then liquor, never been sicker" the beer blasphemy continues into the night until the final visit with a new-found, former footballer friend to dear Buddy.  This is done for, well, no particular reason.

Morning comes and we housemates reconvene.  Breakfast options are presented me and denied, with an eventual feel of persistence.  Fearing that yet again a plate will be presented me and that out of habit, or politeness or freedom or gluttony, the food will yet again be consumed, my secret of the past two days, the detail omitted from every conversation preceding this one is revealed.

"Guys.  I've had the most nightmarish case of the runs for the past two days."

This is done out of self-preservation.