Number four in a series of beginnings of short stories/novels that may never actually be written:
Scene: A warm fall day in the city, leaves nicely colored on a tree-lined street. Two men are walking, active in conversation
1: "So, essentially, you've slept with everyone you know."
2: "That's not true."
1: "Then what percentage of your friends have you slept with?"
2: "That's not a fair question. In theory, I never ever sleep with my friends."
1: "But you've introduced me to a lot of them and you've admitted to sleeping with more than half of them."
2: "We weren't friends when the sex happened though."
1: "So you meet someone, sleep with them and then become friends, at which point you don't sleep with them again."
2: "Pretty much."
1: "Because you don't sleep with your friends."
2: "Right. Or friends of friends."
1: "Wait. Friends of friends? That's a new one."
2: "Well, sometimes someone is friends with someone, but, you know, they want to be more than just friends. And since they don't always tell you that, it's best to avoid sleeping with the friends of friends just to prevent drama, right?"
1: "Uh. Maybe. Keep explaining."
2: "Okay, say I have a friend Ahkmed."
1:
"Ahkmed?"
2: "Dude. It's just a name."
1:
"But Ahkmed?"
2: "You're so red state sometimes."
1:
"Fine. Ahkmed is your friend."
2: "Totally. And Ahkmed has a friend Beta that I think likes me, but
since Ahkmed knew Beta first and I don't know the nature of that
friendship, in my mind Beta is totally off limits. Unless of course I
had Ahkmed's blessing."
1:
"Your name choices are as fucked up as your logic, but go ahead."
2: "Now say we're all at a party. Ahkmed, Beta and me. Now if Beta has a
friend at the party, he is totally doable for me, but not for Ahkmed or
Beta. Because Beta's friend ..."
1:
"Be more specific, say Beta has a friend Chulo."
2: "Beta would never have a friend Chulo. Beta would have a friend Caliban."
1:
"The slave Caliban from The Tempest?"
2:
"I'm impressed that you know that."
1:
"Shut it. Go on."
2: "So I'm at a party with Ahkmed, Beta, and Caliban. Ahkmed is my
friend. Beta is a friend of a friend and Caliban is a friend of a
friend of a friend. Thus only Caliban is available to me."
1: "Well, that and everyone else at the party."
2: "What? Hook up with a Random? That could ruin my reputation."
1: "What reputation?"
2: "I'll ignore that. Basically it's better to hook up with a known quantity. The friend of a friend of a friend is the perfect hookup. They're in your social circle so you have plenty to talk about and you're more likely to be able to relate to one another."
1:
"So you sex it up with Caliban. Then what?"
2: "Well, we'll probably just end up being friends. I'm not very relationship oriented."
1:
"Exactly. Which is probably how your friendship with Ahkmed began."
2: "That's very possible."
1: "So in the end, you've either slept with everyone you know or at least have slept with one person that they have slept with. It's all very incestuous. Why not just have one big orgy and get it over with?"
2: "That would ruin the mystery. It's not like this is something strange that only I am doing. Everyone I know is like this."
1: "Like what? Total whores?"
2: "I am not a total whore. ... Do people think I'm a whore?"
1: "Not people that don't know you."
2: "And people that do know me?"
1: "They don't think you're a whore. ... Slut maybe, but not a whore"
2: "And what do you think?"
1: "If you were a whore or a slut then you would've probably slept with me at some point."
2: "Oh, that could never happen."
1: "Because we're friends?"
2: "No. Because we're more than friends. We're family."
