On an almost daily basis, especially now that the weather has turned, a soup of some sort is on my daily lunch menu. Having two or three different venues near the office provides a nice and varied selection of soups from which to choose. Invariably though there will be a woman ahead of me in line, and, also invariably, the woman will need to sample at least one of the soups, if not many.
Several questions come to mind while waiting that, were I not regularly self-medicated, I would ask:
- Have you never had soup before?
- Are the names and overall process confusing to you? Are you asking yourself questions like these:
- Turkey Chili? I've had turkey and I've had chili, but together?
- Will I be full just by having this one sample? Maybe two will do the trick?
- Which soup will best compliment this bag?
- Is this overpriced deli's chicken noodle as good as the overpriced deli's next door's?
- Corn Chowder? Why would corn chow on her? And who is she anyway?
- Have you had, like, some soup catastrophe in the past? Did soup betray you in someway that you can no longer trust it?
- Are you going to get the recipe so you can make it at home?
- After terrorizing your office with your control freak nature all morning, can't you give it a rest for just a bit during your lunch and not terrorize everyone here? I mean relly; don't you just once want to kick your heels back, throw caution to the wind, and put the just remotest little bit of trust in your fellow man to make a decent bowl of fucking soup?
Granted, if the sampleton were asked any of the above she'd just further scrunch up that tightened Revlon maze she calls a face and give me the dirty eyeball. So I won't ask. But I'll be thinking it.
