Manhattan Offender

Reaction to Time's Person of the Year

Time has selected You as Person of the Year.  A few reactions:

• Most disappointed are Me, Myself, and I.
• He and she and it have no comment.
• They suspected it would be them.
• We were afraid it might be us.

This just in.  Reaction from You:

• You is very excited by the choice.
• You plans to post about it on YouTube, but not MySpace.
• You is concerned about all the attention that You is getting.
• You thinks that You has had better year's in the past.
• You is worried that You has peaked and now it is all downhill for You.

Phone-cam quickie: Happy Bollidays

Nothing will put you in the mood for Christmas more than hanging out with non-Christians!  The desi party, Desilicious, at Shelter Saturday night was a Bolliday theme with not a tree, candy cane, Santa Claus or any other Christ-y thing in sight.  Perfection!

Meanwhile, standing outside Westside Tavern Friday night while chatting up some smoking ladies outside of Snaxx an 18-wheeler passed by filled to capacity with what had to have been at least 500 freshly cut trees.  In what is an obviously horrid picture is the front of the truck on the right.  The dark green blur that is the majority of the frame is fir upon fir upon fir.  Atop the mass of trees were men riding the top of the rig, keeping everything in place.

MO Movie Preview: Notes on a Scandal

Movie:  Notes on a Scandal
Cast:  Judi Dench, Cate Blanchett, Bill Nighy, Andrew Simpson
Circumstance:  Preview screening with tallest person I've ever dated
Accompaniment:  "MA".  Seen there:  Joe, Aaron
Overall review:  The best thrillers have plot twists that are driven by character reveals.  In Notes on a Scandal we are introduced to the world of Barbara Covett, at surface an older school teacher, distinctly private, to the point, old-fashioned.  Sheba Hart is a new art teacher at the school and, at surface, a friendship develops between the two.  Through the course of the movie, the women, both driven by secret compulsions, enter into a co-dependence based on secrets and desires.  The key here is to not reveal plot points, yet to drive you to see this film.  Masterfully acted not only by Dench and Blanchett, but by the entire cast, the film drives forward carefully and forcefully with slow reveals of both characters.  At the dramatic crux the scandal surrounding Blanchett's character both forces the two together and then drives them to confrontation.
Favorite moments:  Wrist stroking creepiness.  Siouxsie And The Banshees redux.  Judi Dench naked in a bathtub, plotting.    
Internal dialog:  None!  It's the rare movie that had me enthralled and entertained.
Laugh:  Yes
Cry:  No
Accompaniment's opinion: Grabbed my arm during tense moments.  Quoted lines from the film on the subway ride home.  Was freaked out when wrist-stroked, Dench style.
Generally:  A pins and needles thriller that will have you on the edge of your seat.

View the trailer after the jump.

Phone-cam quickie: A pen earned

With the recent opening of a branch between Park Avenue South and Lexington, Citibank now very much owns 23rd Street.  The new branch joins those at Eighth Avenue, Sixth Avenue, and Broadway as well as a kiosk just off 23rd on Park and an ATM location at 7-Eleven.  For an anal-retentive spendthrift that is troubled by the question "Do you wish to accept this fee and continue the transaction?" this is excellent news.

With a ConEd refund check to be deposited after bank hours, there was a revelation about all of these Citibank locations.  Not one has a working pen.  While Citibank may be trying to become the Starbucks of banking, perhaps they should keep in mind that Starbucks would never open an outlet and not provide cups.  Before opening another branch, perhaps an investment in pens could be made.

MO Movies: Casino Royale

Movie:  Casino Royale
Cast:  Daniel Craig, Judi Dench, Jeffrey Wright
Circumstance:  Hungover Sunday afternoon, a first date
Accompaniment:  "TA"
Overall review: Okay, got it, Daniel Craig is sexy.  The film firmly re-establishes the James Bond franchise to movies.
Favorite moment:  Tie between the first chase sequence and Bond's return to the poker game after being poisoned and going into cardiac arrest.   
Internal dialog:  "He is so pretty.  So very pretty."
Laugh:  Yes
Cry:  No
Accompaniment's opinion: "I fell asleep during the opening credits but woke up when he was in the Bahamas.  Did I miss much?"
Generally:  Overly long, especially toward the end and the during the credits, but should best be seen on a big screen.

MO Movies: Babel

Movie:  Babel
Cast:  Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, Gael García Bernal, and many, many more
Circumstance:  Friday night, a second date
Accompaniment:  "RT"
Overall review: Although a long movie, every moment is gripping.  Four seemingly stories tangentially intertwine with the circumstances of misunderstanding.  The direction of Alejandro González Iñárritu uses a variety of techniques to convey the story, which could be jarring, but is not.  Every storyline is compelling and the choices made by the characters are believable and gripping.
Favorite moment:  A main character enters a club in Tokyo.  The music swells around the characters and you.  Suddenly the song is familiar and you are entrenched in the scene.  Then all of the sound is taken away and you are once again reminded this character is a deaf mute.   
Internal dialog:  "The universe is broken.  Even our smallest of choices can bring our downfall."
Laugh:  Yes
Cry:  Just a little
Accompaniment's opinion:  "I'm so angry at some of these characters for the decisions they make."  "Dakota Fanning's little sister must have gone to the same acting school as her big sister."
Generally:  Best movie of the year.

MO Movies: Stranger Than Fiction

Movie:  Stranger Than Fiction
Cast:  Will Farrell, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Emma Thompson, Dustin Hoffman, Queen Latifah
Circumstance:  Lazy Sunday afternoon
Accompaniment:  Neighborfriend Michael
Overall review:  Will Farrell and Maggie Gyllenhaal provide subtle, nuanced performances.  Emma Thompson perfectly channels the writer too much in her own head with obsessions roadblocking her ability to produce a story.  Dustin Hoffman and Queen Latifah provide serviceable, yet unmemorable characters.  Taking a meta-perspective the story is of a personal favorite type with the character confronting that which is controlling his life and in turns rebelling and acquiescing to his circumstance.  The cinematography is graceful and elegant with little surprises that flow nicely with the characters.
Favorite moment:  Will Farrell's character, who is a character in Emma Thompson's character's novel, meets 'his creator'.
Laugh:  Yes, often
Cry:  No, but had its "throaty" moments
Internal dialog:  "Am I taking control of my own storyline or am I too passive in the direction of my own life?"
Accompaniment's opinion:  "It could have been great."
Generally:  A wonderful, sweet gentle film well worth seeing.

YouTube Tuesdays: Janice Dickinson's 12 Days of Christmas

Quotes about coats

Saturday night
11:20 p.m.  Outside of Element for the BUTT magazine book launch party
GG:  "Wait.  Don't check your coat and come back outside.  We aren't staying.  It's too packed and the music is awful."

11:30 p.m.  Eastern Bloc
MO:  "It's not too crowded.  Let's just pile our coats on the bench."

12:00 a.m.  Eastern Bloc
MO:  "E, just put your coat down."
EB:  "No.  I'm paranoid.  And I'm smoking anyway, so I just end up putting it back on."

12:30 a.m.  Big Lug
MO:  "Dude, you spilled beer on my coat."
KK:  "It's on a barstool.  You're in a bar.  Bad things happen to coats in bars.

1:15 a.m.  Eastern Bloc
AO:  "Hey, that stripper is moving our coats."
MO:  "Oh no, he put mine over by Stinky.  I don't want to talk to Stinky."

2:30 a.m.  Metropolitan
DP:  "Where were you?  I bought you a drink."
MO:  "Macking on a boy in the back.  Thanks.  Where'd you put your coat?"
DP:  "In the back on the benches."

3:20 a.m.  Metropolitan
MO:  "Why do you have to leave with your friends?  You're safe with me."
VT:  "I'm from Vermont.  I don't know my way around."
MO:  "Okay, but I'm going back in.  It's cold out here without a coat."

4:15 a.m.  Metropolitan
CS:  "I can't find my coat."
MO:  "I can't find mine either.  The barback cleared them out and put them all on the pool table."
CS:  "I hate her."
MO:  "I make an effort not to hate her, but it's not easy to not hate her."

4:30 a.m.  Metropolitan
BB:  "Look.  You're coats aren't here.  You can take something from lost and found."
CS:  "I want my coat.  I'm walking two blocks.  I just don't care."
MO:  "These are coats that should be forgotten and left at a bar."

5:30 a.m.  Home
MO text message to 13 recipients:  "Someone stole my coat and CS' coat.  I angry/violent/horny.  Just want to punch fuck someone."
ANON reply:  "Where are you?  Wanna come over?"

Somewhere in Williamsburg are two people with brand new coats.  Well, new to them, but old to my friend and me.  I'm fine with it.  My jacket was nice, but it was a gift from my ex and thus tainted with bad karma.  There's 15 more in the closet.  For my friend though it is a different story as it was his only coat.  As an artist, he'll be hard pressed to replace it.

If you see a navy blue Burton ski jacket and a red plaid Triple 5 Soul three-quarter length coat walking around Williamsburg punch the living shit out of the wearers.  They are bad people.

MO Meme

My brain is too fiery.  Or mis-firing.  Or something like that.  Like, thoughts just aren't coming in long-form format.  Is this the beginning of dementia?  Alzheimer's?  Adult-onset-retardation?  The thought is not because new concepts can be learned. i.e.: trousero is slang for ass in Portuguese.  And I'm still able to answer questions about myself.  As in, "Who the fuck do you think you are?" and "Could you give my mother your seat?"

So since someone smarter than me posted a meme, why the fuck not, right?

50 things about MO

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? 
How much longer can this go on?
2. How much cash do you have on you?
$19.00 and a chip for a free drink during Happy Hour at Gym Bar.
3. What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR?"
Whore.  Queen Noor.
4. Favorite planet?
Janet.
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
The tallest person I've ever dated, but it wasn't really a date.  More of a "two guys meeting to do a mutually aggreed upon activity outside of the home".
6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
I have yet to figure out how to change it, but "Slow Lesbian Porn Theme" has grown on me over the years.
7. What shirt are you wearing?
Three shirts:  Black Hugo Boss cotton/Lycra wife-beater.  Black American Apparel Thermal.  Gray loose-knit angora Zara sweater.
8. Do you "label" yourself?
With a Dy-mo.
9. Name the brand of the shoes you're currently wearing?
This is embarrassing, but Marc Jacobs.
10. Bright or dark room?
Ambient room.
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
Although I don't reall "think" about him, it could be said that he is smarter, more successful, and better looking than me.  But fatter.
12. What does your watch look like?
I haven't worn a watch since the mid-nineties, but I inherited my father's Rolex when he died.  Since I've never really looked at it, it's looks elude me.
13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Sleeping on the sofa with a laptop screen of ManHunt blinking away and a television screen of credits for The Colbert Report rolling.  However, as I was sleeping maybe there were thirty poltergeists dancing around me to my unawares.
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
"Let me check the BAM schedule.  Getting to my desk now."
15. Where is your nearest 7-11?
23rd and Park.
16. What's a word that you say a lot?
I'll give you a few:  Fuck, awesome,  what, sorry, I, and, the, a.
17. Who told you he/she loved you last?
He-she?  Lina.  He?  EB.  She?  My company's office manager.
18. Last furry thing you touched?
My face.
19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
Three.  Assuming you count multi-vitamins.
20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?
None.
21. Favorite age you have been so far?
Paleolithic.
22. Your worst enemy?
Cock-blockers.
23. What is your current desktop picture?
Image of East River as taken from South Point Park.
24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"If we modify this, it's going to throw off production by a week."
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
I could easily make more than one million bucks with my ability to fly, assuming that no one else is granted the ability at the same time.
26. Do you like someone?
I like everyone except a lot of people.
27. The last song you listened to?
That "Slow Lesbian Porn Theme" from my cell phone.
28. What time of day were you born?
9:07 a.m.  Libra, double-Scorpio.
29. What's your favorite number?
One.
30. Where did you live in 1987?
Bloomington, Indiana in the Willkie Dormitory and later Varsity Villas.
31. Are you jealous of anyone?
As pointed out by Eric, the proper term is envious.  Everyone has something that would be nice to have as my own, but there is no obsession regarding this.
32. Is anyone jealous of you?
Once someone gets to know me, any such feeling would fade quickly.
33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
Coming out of a subway at 50th and Third.  Some lady grabbed my arm and told me what was happening.  Went to the office.  Coordinated our group's evacuation and telephone tree.  Bought the assistant wearing three-inch heels some sneakers at New Balance on the corporate card.  Walked home.
34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
Look at the angle at which the piece is stuck.  Evaluate where to hit the machine using trigonometric calculation.  Hit the machine.  Works about 70% of the time.
35. Do you consider yourself kind?
Yes, but I'm an ass about it.
36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
I'm too hairy to consider this.
37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
Farsi.
38. Would you move for the person you loved?
If it were an upgrade.  For both of us.
39. Are you touchy feely?
Secretly.
40. What's your life motto?
Does my lack of a motto explain the rudderless feeling that I feel currently.  Does this make me a good candidate for Scientology or Landmark?
41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
Driver's license, AMEX, library card.
42. What's your favorite town/city?
Cherry Grove.
43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?
Car service from Jackson Heights to Astoria.
44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
Ten x-mas cards are going out today.  About 50 more this weekend.
45. Can you change the oil on a car?
Not these modern cars.  Anything prior to 1985, probably, with some reminding.
46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
He died from AIDS in 1995.  A painting of his still hangs in my apartment.
47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?
Nine-sixteenths German; three-sixteenths Norwegian; three-sixteenths English; one-sixteenth Native American.
48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?
Alexander McQueen black moleskin suit for a client visit.
49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
Hands are numb.  Coccyx feels pressured.  Tightness between shoulders.
50. Have you been burned by love?
Of course.  But am told I have burned as well.