Manhattan Offender

Obligatory Oscars post

The great/awful democratizing element of the internet is that anyone can express an opinion.  Declare yourself a political pundit, slap some words together and poof, punditry.  With that being said, this person is poof, an movie reviewer.  So, here are a few thoughts on the Oscar nominations.  From someone that saw less than ten movies in the past year.  Poof.

Performance by an actor in a leading role  

• Leonardo DiCaprio in “Blood Diamond”
• Ryan Gosling in “Half Nelson”
• Peter O’Toole in “Venus”
• Will Smith in “The Pursuit of Happyness”
• Forest Whitaker in “The Last King of Scotland”
  • Wow, not only have I not seen these, the only one that I want to see is "The Last King of Scotland"

Performance by an actor in a supporting role

• Alan Arkin in “Little Miss Sunshine”
• Jackie Earle Haley in “Little Children”
• Djimon Hounsou in “Blood Diamond”
• Eddie Murphy in “Dreamgirls”
• Mark Wahlberg in “The Departed”
  • Although I've not seen it, there is just a lot of love in my heart for Alan Arkin.

Performance by an actress in a leading role  

• Penélope Cruz in “Volver”
• Judi Dench in “Notes on a Scandal”
• Helen Mirren in “The Queen”
• Meryl Streep in “The Devil Wears Prada”
• Kate Winslet in “Little Children”
  • When you break up with Tom Cruise, you almost always get an Oscar.  Why is that?  I have to see "The Queen" before I decide between the Dames.  (Is Helen Mirren a Dame?  Or just a Queen?  Not that anyone could be just a queen.)

Performance by an actress in a supporting role  

• Adriana Barraza in “Babel”
• Cate Blanchett in “Notes on a Scandal”
• Abigail Breslin in “Little Miss Sunshine”
• Jennifer Hudson in “Dreamgirls”
• Rinko Kikuchi in “Babel”
  • The split on Babel is unfortunate but I'm all about Rinko Kikuchi.  She was the soul of this film for me.  Blanchett was excellent, yet not stunning.  Jennifer Hudson, as said before, was doing that thing she'll be doing for the next ten years or so.

Achievement in art direction  

• “Dreamgirls”
• “The Good Shepherd”
• “Pan’s Labyrinth”
• “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest”
• “The Prestige” (Buena Vista)
  • Everyone is so torn on Pan's Labyrinth that it hasn't been seen, but might be this weekend.  Dreamgirls was well executed, but seemed a bit derivative.

Achievement in cinematography  

• “The Black Dahlia”
• “Children of Men”
• “The Illusionist”
• “Pan’s Labyrinth”
• “The Prestige”
  • Every review read by non-professional reviewers eviscerates Children of Men. 

Achievement in costume design  

• “Curse of the Golden Flower”
• “The Devil Wears Prada”
• “Dreamgirls”
• “Marie Antoinette”
• “The Queen”
  • Marie Antoinette should run away with this.  The Devil was rather unsurprising.  The Queen, although timewise accurate is rather recent of a period piece.

Achievement in directing  

• “Babel” Alejandro González Iñárritu  
• "The Departed” Martin Scorsese  
• “Letters from Iwo Jima” Clint Eastwood  
• “The Queen” Stephen Frears  
• “United 93” Paul Greengrass
  • My gut says Babel, but there are inconsistencies that should have been caught by the director.  Key among them, when Blanchett's character is shot the window by which she is seated faces away from the shooters.

Best documentary feature  

• “Deliver Us from Evil”
• “An Inconvenient Truth”
• “Iraq in Fragments”
• “Jesus Camp”
• “My Country, My Country”
  • The story of that fag-hating fag Ted Haggard cannot die, so Jesus Camp with the confession of political/religious motivation.

Achievement in film editing  

• “Babel”
• “Blood Diamond”
• “Children of Men”
• “The Departed”
• “United 93”
  • Babel by a mile.

Achievement in makeup  

• “Apocalypto”
• “Click”
• “Pan’s Labyrinth”
  • Apocalypto only because of the irony of a Sugartits film winning for makeup.

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)  

• “Babel”
• “The Good German”
• “Notes on a Scandal”
• “Pan’s Labyrinth”
• “The Queen”
  • Although I despise his music outside of a theatre, Philip Glass' work on Notes added to the overall tightness of this thriller.  And why no Superman?

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)  

• “I Need to Wake Up” from “An Inconvenient Truth” Music and Lyric by Melissa Etheridge  
• “Listen” from “Dreamgirls” Music by Henry Krieger and Scott Cutler Lyric by Anne Preven  
• “Love You I Do” from “Dreamgirls” Music by Henry Krieger Lyric by Siedah Garrett  
• “Our Town” from “Cars” Music and Lyric by Randy Newman  
• “Patience” from “Dreamgirls” Music by Henry Krieger Lyric by Willie Reale
  • Anybody but Randy Newman.  Anybody.

Best motion picture of the year  

• “Babel”
• “The Departed”
• “Letters from Iwo Jima”
• “Little Miss Sunshine”
• “The Queen”
  • My heart says Babel, but my mind reminds me that it's the only one on the list seen.

Achievement in sound editing  

• “Apocalypto”
• “Blood Diamond”
• “Flags of Our Fathers”
• “Letters from Iwo Jima”
• “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest”
  • The order on these is wierd and anti-climatic.

Achievement in sound mixing  

• “Apocalypto”
• “Blood Diamond”
• “Dreamgirls”
• “Flags of Our Fathers”
• “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest”
  • Dreamgirls?

Achievement in visual effects  

• “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest”
• “Poseidon”
• “Superman Returns”
  • Superman.  You will believe a man can fly.  That says it all.

Adapted screenplay  

• “Borat Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan”
• “Children of Men”
• “The Departed”
• “Little Children”
• “Notes on a Scandal”
  • Notes.

Original screenplay  

• “Babel”
• “Letters from Iwo Jima”
• “Little Miss Sunshine”
• “Pan’s Labyrinth”
• “The Queen”
  • Again, Babel.

Wifebeater Wednesdays: Hello, I despise domestic violence

The term wifebeater has such charged meanings.  To some, it is a shirt you expect to find on a white trash male.  To others, it is the summer uniform for a butch lesbian.  Still others find it a offensive term, making light of domestic violence.

To me, it is just a damn sexy cut of a shirt.  It is a daily staple of my wardrobe.  It is what you will usually see me wearing during yoga or just a regular workout.

So as not to brush off the negative connotations of
the term, let it be said here that MO is not misogynistic and loves his ladyfriends.  As with any term of offense, the goal is to take the term and turn it on its head.

From now until it becomes boring look to this space to feature a guy in my favorite type of shirt (or even a lady if one volunteers).  Pictures will be scoped out from some of the usual suspects (Big Muscle Bears, et al) and of course, if you want to submit a pic it would gladly be posted with whatever message you'd like to accompany it.

For the first installment, some dude that was hanging out in my bedroom.  The shirt is a Hugo Boss, and the color is black to cover some of that winter weight.  The model claims to own no other type of undershirt, which is a statement to believed as his drawers have been gone through.

Submissions and nominations for future weeks are welcomed at ww AT manhattanoffender DOT com*.

*Sorry to not have an email link but the spoofing of this site has continued.

About the banner

Believe it or not, I finally grew tired of looking at my own crotch.  Just a few stylistic touchups and i'm almost finished with this redesign.  Almost.

If you find a need to see my crotch, you can find it at Basket Grabber, which seems to have retired after the grabbing of my basket.

Blind Items: Monkey Business

It's been pointed out that this site isn't very gossip oriented, but that the writer tends to know some things that people would like to know.  But as the writer isn't a malicious person, he tends to hold back.  At the same time, people who are 'different' are sort of celebrated here.  So the following are some things that have been learned over the years, but not talked about.  The purpose being not to titillate, but more to celebrate that everybody, even the famous and infamous, are just as quirky as anybody else.  This will be a sort-of-weekly feature with two or three items per post.

That being said, here's three to start. 

• What big-name porn-star likes to impress the trade that he brings home by sticking a monkey wrench up his butt?
• What daytime talk show host used to have the same coke dealer as a friend of mine?  And used to have visits from said dealer almost every day?  (You'd think that host would try to stock up and save!)
• What local news anchor lost a girlfriend after she could no longer deal with his fetish of getting blown while taking a dump on the toilet?

Image from Adam Koford.

Dreaming of a Mexican Prison

My incarceration must have been because of a misdemeanor.  While on all four sides the walls were indeed heavy-gage steel bars and while the door to my cell had a lock, the key was in my pocket.  Additionally, having my laptop and camera and cellphone in the cell didn't seem to be an issue.  Early on someone even brought me some weed and a pipe.

But the logic centers of my brain wouldn't accept this.  So throughout my stay in Mexican prison my personal belongings would remain hidden in a secret compartment of my cot's mattress.  Paranoia expressed itself when upon one return to my cell found the door unlocked and the laptop missing, only to discover it under a Helmut Lang sweater.

Yes, for the weeks (it was a long dream) that were spent in the Mexican prison my wardrobe was normal.  Occasionally though other inmates would be seen wearing a grey damask jumpsuit-type uniforms, usually very tight in the legs and buttocks and unbuttoned to reveal dark tanned furry chests.  All of the inmates were very sexual, sneaking into one another's cells or having orgies in the showers.  For whatever reason there was a porn video - straight porn - hidden in my mattress as well - a VHS cassette, not a DVD.  The video was very popular, with one of the guards sneaking off with it and returning it with a dab of goo on the sleeve.

Toward the end of my stay, while humping another inmate in his cell, Selma Hayek came in with a breakfast tray and began to chat with me about Ugly Betty, a show that despite having only seen two episodes of, was something of which expert knowledge was now mine.

Suddenly, into the cell with Selma, humpee and me burst Vicente Fox, declaring "Usted está haciendo gordo, Rod. Mire su vientre*."  My reply, "¿Entonces porqué soy aquí en cama con su esposa, Selma?**" sent him away.

Selma and I agreed that the pitfall of doing Ugly Betty in the states was that, where the telenovela format forced strong character arcs, American television executives look at their programming as brands that they want to last as long as possible thus causing the characters to languish over time.  We agreed to work on definitive arcs for the second season and that a few episodes would carry my name as lead writer.  She poured me another glass of orange juice leaving my prison trade and I alone at last.

And then I woke up.

* - "You're getting kind of fat, Rod.  Look at your belly."
** - "Then why am I in bed with your wife, Selma?"

Friday Food: Kenka

Restaurant:  Kenka
Location:  East Village (St. Marks Place near Second Avenue)
Occasion:  Meeting with a couple of friends with the mutual realization on a Friday night that if this level of drinking continued that we would all be hospitalized so perhaps we should eat. 
Cocktail(s):  $1.50 Sapporo's!
Wine:  A bottle of sake
Appetizer:      There are over 100 items and we ordered at least eight appetizers for three people.  Everything married very well with "oo's" and "ah's" for every dish as it arrived to the table.  A favorite was an eggy item that was fluffy and spicy.  Octopus balls met with trepidation, but it could be an issue of the name alone.
Entree:  Again, dishes were shared and there was booze in the system, so detail are sketchy.  The pork tenderloin was memorably awesome.
Dessert:  On departure, you are given sugar with which you can make your own cotton candy.
Service:  There is a wait for tables and no reservations are taken on weekend nights.  After a 45 minute wait, entering the packed place the expectation is for some stutters in the service.  That expectation is met, but the $1.50 Sapporo's assuage everything. 
Atmosphere:  Some focus is required as you are surrounded by great traditional imagery and music out of Tokyo radio of the 1950S.  With the packed room full of a mix of Japanese and NYU kids and assorted others the key thing to note that although this is the East Village of the middle aughts, there is nary a twat nor a douchebag in sight.  The crowd is there to have fun. 
Pricing:    Amazingly cheap.  We ate like pigs and drank like fish and paid like (some animal that is frugal).
Rating:  "Yeah, so totally".

Image from  ptuft on flickr.

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the whens

• When I'm on a tight subway car, if there is a guy in front of me with short hair and his back to me, I like to look at the backs of his ears.  If they are clean, I imagine what they taste like.
• When I count to myself, I typically do it in French.  If I don't, I'm afraid that I'll lose the language.
• When I point at someone and say "Zat," it means I am inquiring as to the identity of that person.  It also means that my next drink should not contain alcohol.
• When I get in the shower and squirt the Dr. Bronner's Almond Soap on my chest, I think it is vaguely sexual.
• When I do a post like this, it is an expression of the randomness of my mental facility.

Image from lifeprint, a guide to sign language.

Lindsay Lohan Haiku

Lindsay to rehab
But would be more surprising
If off to college.

I'm sleeping with Michael Musto

My first encounter with Michael Musto was, as it is for many, reading his La Dolce Musto column in the Village Voice.  At the "alternative" bookstore near Atlanta's Piedmont Park (near which I lived in the early early nineties) his vivid descriptions of vivid people would lighten my day.  For the most part the people mentioned drew a collective blank in my mind, but also created a desire to fill in the blank.

After moving to New York, our paths would cross occasionally.  Eying the crowd in a VIP room at Webster Hall or Tunnel.  Waiting for a ferry to Fire Island.  Standing in a darkened corner of a sex club.  For the most part smiles would be exchanged and there was no certainty that he knew my identity, although he did do an MO Interview.

And now, for the past week, he's been in my bed.

Most nights Michael is to the left of me, but occasionally he sleeps on the right.  Invariably though, when he sleeps on the right, he can be found on the floor in the morning.  He's been riding the subway to work with me in the mornings and at times riding home with me at night (although sometimes the iPod is turned on and the eyes closed, ignoring his presence).

Granted, this is not Musto in the flesh, but rather Musto on the printed page.  His latest tome, La Dolce Musto, is a collection of the columns of the same name from 1980's to the present.  From stories of junkets afar or clublife anear, from the freaks to the headliners (also freaks) Musto's inimitable whirlwind writing style is always a jaunty ride. 

Particularly fun given the range of time they cover are the fifteen pages of 'blind items'.  Although some are quite dated, the author still doesn't give an update.  (Surely the fabricator of the Richard Gere "gerbil rumor" can be revealed by now?)

A compendium of (counter) culture history, the book is sort of a must.  Why it was released as a post-holiday book and not as a summer beach read?  Unsure, but the short vibrant articles are great commute reads or bed-time stories.  Let Michael Musto into your bed.  If you grow tired of him, he'll sit on the nightstand and wait for you until morning.

You know. Karma?

Checkout girl at the supermarket:  Ten dollars, fifty-six cents.
MO:  Oh. I have fifty-four cents.  Can you spot me two?
Chexi:  [blank stare]
MO:  See, if I give you another dollar, then I'll end up with ninety-eight cents.
Chexi:  [eyebrows knit]
MO:  I'll pay the extra two cents the next time I'm here.  Ask any of the girls here.  I'm known here.
Chexi:  [looks in apron for pennies]
MO:  Hold on.  [looks on floor.  finds and picks up dime.]  Here, now I have sixty cents to give you.  Keep the extra six cents in pennies and give them to the next person that needs change.
Chexi:  [enters $10.60 into register.  pulls out one nickel and one penny.]
MO:  Just keep that and give it to the next person.  You know.  Karma?  Pay it forward?
Chexi:  [puzzled half smile then turns.]  Next.