It’s so exciting that Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll Buttaface Dogs Present: The Search for the Next Dog is still on the air. Just to mix things up a little, this week a red-haired Pussycat Doll visits the contestants, says something and then leaves which might be foreshortening. There was never a red-head visiting before. Then, just when you thing you know what is going to happen, Robin decides to divide the girls into two groups. This is amazing because there are seven girls. Do you know what seven divided by two is? Exactly. Nobody does.
To help create the leaders of tomorrow needed in the Buttaface Dogs, Robin Antin chooses two girls to lead the divided groups. Chelsea decides to pick girls that she would like to know better, the cipherous Anastacia and Fodder (or is she Cannon? I think I’ll call her Mariconha now instead because she is still here which is crazy but okay fine you know like whatever okay okay.) Biracia picks girls that she knows to be the best, but makes the mistake of saying the name Melissa twice. Luckily there are two girls by that name.
Which leaves Sizzly, whom neither girl wants around because she is
actually a clone of Shirley Maclaine and they are afraid of clones. But
Biracia gets Sizzly, who immediately decides that Biracia is a bad
leader and that she herself should be the leader. Little does Sizzly
know that this give Biracia the advantage in the true competion, the
backstorying.
Believe it or not Biracia has a new issue unrelated to her daughter.
Turns out that Biracia is afraid of being a mean girl. In fact, back
at the IKEA warehouse where they live, when Sizzly mistakenly
compliments Biracia as a drag queen, Bi wants to hit her, but doesn’t
want to go to court (again). Instead she cries, putting her higher in
the running to becoming America's Next the winner.
Sizzly seems to realize that she won’t win unless she can up her backstory, so she gives it her all. “I won’t apologize because the other girls are stupid and, like, I think I’m hitting a wall because I’m so so so punk rock, but I feel stupid because the other girls are. Stupid, that is.”
Everybody in the house takes a little nap (or was that me?) and when they wake up, Robin Antin is there with Buttaface Ashlee who is considered the bombshell because she has the largest breasts. Robin promises that Ashlee will teach the girls about “creative sexuality” which sounds like it might involve houseplants or something. Ashlee says “There is a pussycat doll in every woman.” And that’s it. That’s the lesson. The girls are changed forever.
They are then given the challenge of dancing with a boy and not
becoming pregnant. Boys are brought in from a local mall and each girl
uses him as a prop. After all of the routines, Robin chooses Mariconha
as the winner. Mariconha is immunized, but the other girls must suffer
with the diseases brought to them by the mall boys.
During the sound check, a plot point is thrown out that Chelsea’s group has gotten weaker because Mariconha is being a bitch about her immunization. But this is really just to create false drama, because at performance time, it is Biracia’s group that comes across as a weekly high school performance.
The judges do that thing where they all agree with Geffen chair Ron Fair because he is the most rhyme-y of the three. Host Pat O’brien brings out all the girls to hear the judges talk about self-possession and implants. Sizzly admits that her hair and shoes were distacting her, at which time she is dismissed for not having her sexy coming from within.
Sizzly is not surprised because she is a Shirley Maclaine clone and has known the outcome of this episode since three past lives ago.
P.S. If you don’t own a t.v. or don’t have a boss looking over your
shoulder or like to keep your laptop in bed with you and need help
sleeping, you can watch this show without commercials here.
