Do you ever think about words? Like not the ones that people actually use but the one on the TV? Like "penultimate". Was someone all, like, writing and whatever and thinking, "This is the second to last pen I will ever need," or something? Yeah, words are hard. And so's thinking. Which is why I love Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll Buttaface Dogs Present: The Search for the Next Dog. It's not like words or thinking.
The biggest twist happ ... The episode begins wi ... I ... Um ... No ... I am stronger than this. Look inside and find your voice ... Do it ... C'mon. Oh. God. NO.
I submit. I submit to the almighty ability of Ken Mok. As he as done with America's Next Top Model, Executive Producer Ken Mok has yet again put together an overwhelmingly mediocre television show with seemingly hopeless people striving for a life outsize to their own. Yet again, assorted personalities are on the screen and with mild layers of juxtaposition and polarization.
You see, call it a sea change, but if Biracia Asia doesn't win this thing I'm going to be furious!
But if you must have a recap, fine. As if by Pavlovian response, the girls, who last week hated Anastacia are now depressed that she is no longer among them. For a whole minute during which recap footage can be shown.
With a subtle transition (in the way that an Ethel Merman guest appearance would be subtle), the girls immediately move from depressed to enraptured with the televised appearance of the Pussycat Girls who tell them that this week is all about being in the public eye. (Robin Antin then points a jewel-encrusted fingernail at her eye and whispers, "public".)
The girls then go through the "challenge" of an interview with investigative journalist/PCD:TSFTND host Mark McGrath. Tough questions like, "What is your name?" are batted away by the girls. They then move on to the next challenge - a ten minute commercial for underarm deodorant.
Asia wins the challenges, with the reward of her commercial airing during the show. Making a show within a commercial within a show. Or maybe the opposite of that. Regardless, Asia is thrilled to have scored some points toward a SAG membership.
When the Showcase Showdown throws down, the girls perform a group dance number to a caveman chant and then sing solos. Each girl has their own take. Chelsea masturbates in a chair to "What a Girl Wants". Melissa S. goes for the MILF vote, looking like a mid-thirties housewife with a Frederick's of Hollywood credit card sing some Norah Jones. Melissa R. tackles a Mary J. Blige song taking it to a level that Mary J. never has: the level of prepubescent prostitute.
Then Asia hits the stage with "Too Little Too Late" (which is not about height-challenged procrastinators). The hyper-exaggeration she has shown on stage in the past is no longer displayed. Instead she is controlled, professional, and suddenly seeming way to large for a reality television competition.
With Asia's "arrival moment" done, Robin Antin (I just can type her first name without the last as if worried that you might think I am suddenly mentioning Robyn Bird or Robin Givens or Robin Williams.) and Little Kim continue with what seems to be a kowtowing to Ron Fair. Fair comes off, as always, as a true judge of talent, as well as an astounding prick. He is one of the MO Hated - a baby boomer that has the audacity to think he has his finger on the pop tastes of younger generations, yet instead of a finger has a ham-sized fist on pop culture which he will not relinquish, contributing to the death of original, fun pop and the continuation of the mediocrity miasma that is the "music industry". (Oops. Struck a nerve.)
So now, Ken Mok, you can do that thing that you did to me with Kim Stoltz, and Joanie, and Melrose, and so many more. You can bring Asia to her pinnacle just to bring it crashing down on her so you can have the "viewer sympathetic" fattie Chelsea win. An equal amount of "Congratulations" and "Damn you" to Mok for drawing me in. And damn me for caring.
