Disclaimer: I am no more qualified to give advice than Doctor Phil is to give weight-loss tips, Kimora Lee is to doling out fashion direction, or anyone at Cosmo is to providing tips to pleasing a man. But they do it. Granted, they have lawyers and shit-piles of money. But I don't. So remember, that anything you read here might be horribly, horribly wrong. Or it may be horribly, horribly right. My guess is as good as yours, just better.
Ask me: mo [at] manhattanoffender [dot] com or put a question in the comments below ...
Dear Add Vice -
When you go out with someone, and they seem to really like you, and promise to phone, should you drop it, or call him?
-Soooo single
Why do you torture yourself so, Soooo?
The only good coy is the kind that swims in the water feature of of a five-star hotel, and it's spelled differently. Really. Would you go to a bar and just stand and wait for your bartender to bring you your Nutty White Mexican*? If so, you either already know the bartender or you just don't really want that drink. Which is what must be the case here.
Maybe you know in your heart that this man, this cruel man that hasn't called isn't feeling the vibe. This can be due to self-doubt or self-realization. No matter the case, then there's a few choices. There's always holding it in until you have chemically-induced courage (aka "drunk dialing") which can sometimes be a perfect solution, but more often not. Or you can choose not to act on it and just keep yourself unavailable to reach out to him and likewise unavailable to everyone else you meet while you're pining away.
Better is to think through some of the things that you share in common with your potential paramor. Consider whatever experiences you've encountered together as conversation fodder and cultivate some fresh ideas or some relative experiencces.
Or maybe you don't really want him. You're just wanting to want him, but not enough to act on it. If you really want something in life there are always obstacles. Some of them are insurmountable, but when it comes to relationships, these are the more rare cases.
If you've decided to call (and I hope you have because I'm all for sticking out one's neck and going for it), then stick to this three-step plan:
- On the first call, stick to a relative experience. And I don't mean having a "remember when" conversation. Unless he has Alzheimer's or is mentally "challenged", he'll remember, and he'll remember also that you're engaging in one of the lamest conversations ploys known. Instead stick to giving new information, regarding something you both shared: "You know how you were all excited about getting an iPhone, and me telling you it was lame? Guess who just bought one and is loving it?" And if they don't pick up, tell the story, briefly to the voicemail. Don't leave a "Call me. I have something funny to tell you." Worse yet, don't not leave a message. He'll see the recent calls and wonder why no message was left.
- On the second call the message is, "You know what. I know it's totally lame, but I was just thinking about you, like, totally randomly. And. Well. I just wanted to let you know." The amazing thing about this one is that its true. And truth is better than anything for a relationship, from the first second.
- If he hasn't called you by the next time you feel like calling, the next step is both the easiest and the hardest. Choose his number on your phone, and then delete it. The ball is in his court; if he chooses not to play with it, that's his loss.
These are my self-imposed rules and they seem to work for me. If I end up exposing a little of myself, it's not a bad thing. And by limiting my ability to act on an impulse by deleting the number, everything works out.
And before some shy sly fox brings up texting, the above rules are exactly the same.
*Nutty White Mexican is a real drink. Plan to make me one, okay?
