Age: 40
Weight: See "plans" below.
Sex: Something I never do is order in. There's just this general mistrust in the gays. Or maybe it's just that I see profile pictures and generally make an opinion based on that picture. Leading to surprises of height, weight, sexual interests. Also there is the matter of hiding valuables before the arrival of the mystery date. Dad's Rolex, iPhone, other small pocket-ables need to be put away based on past experience. (Don't assume just because someone is a star of Dark Alley Media that he won't steal from you. I'm looking at you [redacted].) Anyway, it was hot and all. Up until I was tired of the company and ready for him to go. I didn't mean for it to seem as if he was being kicked out. But it was time. Y'know?
Laptop: Did you know that the "700" channels are Hi-Def? I do, since the laptop is in the shop. Maybe next I'll read something.
Cat: Walking in the door yesterday, she seemed preoccupied. I followed her to the kitchen where she sat, watching the counter space under the sink. After my ex moved out, I had done a thorough cleaning of the apartment and have not seen a mouse or any other varmint since, but I knew what was up. Having had a mouse before, I went to the cupboard and sprinkled cayenne pepper and cinnamon in the spots of common transit. (This technique was taught to me by one of Janet Jackson's lyricists - the people you meet, eh?) Hopefully Sybil isn't too freaked out. And doesn't breathe in the cayenne.
Advice: Recently told to me by a film producer: "What I never tell anyone is that I don't like people. More than just in general. There are few people in the world that I can stand. But you I like. You're amazingly straightforward." My reply: "If you stop wasting your time trying to like those you don't, you'll be a happier person overall."
Plans: Lose 15 pounds by January 1. Resolutions are for pussies. This is pretty easily done. The once-per-week fast food trip is abolished. Carbs are easily cut. A return to the gym is imminent. Thus the next section.
Diet: Dinner last night was a steak and broccoli. Lunch today was a piece of meatloaf. I must start eating breakfast again.
Executive summary: I'm an aging pudgy sexless cat-owner. All seems to be going on schedule.
