Manhattan Offender

Hey, ladies, take this map to your manicurist and say, "Girl, that awful Meg Ryan movie ruined The Women, so instead of "Jungle Red" lets go with the new hot shade, "Racist Red".

Things from my inbox - Every time you do drugs ...

From EB:

Because of lack of interest in the election or in McCain or in Obama, price deflation has occurred in the "crappy election goods" market.

Either that or people don't really want their morning coffee in a juice cup?  (Via W. B. Mason email.  I receive a lot of crap emails.)
 

Mecury is out of retrograde.

So I'll start writing again.

Tonight, she discovered television

Past, Over - Florent, from club kids to kids

Sometimes I receive telephone calls from The Past, a mysterious entity that remembers where things used to be in New York before Starbucks and Whole Foods came to town.  Originally posted at Gawker, April 5, 2007 .

"Hello? Who is this? It's six in the morning."

"Sorry, molestiemouth, am I waking you up?"

"Well, no. I'm actually on the way to the gym and having breakfast."

"Jim is such a d class name... but hey, I'm eating too."

"Nice. Nothing starts my day like a protein bar."

"And nothing ends mine like moules frites at Florent."

Past, Over - Earl of Astor, merchant of porn

Sometimes I receive telephone calls from The Past, a mysterious entity that remembers where things used to be in New York before Starbucks and Whole Foods came to town.  Originally posted at Gawker, March 29, 2007 .

"Hello?"

"Cuddlecrotch! I'm calling you from a pay phone, because I keep forgetting to tell you about this guy that's perfect for you."

"You're setting me up on a date?"

"Nah, I don't really see you with Earl."

"Earl who?"

"Earl, the guy who sells porn on the street."

You see, when you've studied comedy, sometimes you lose track of "the funny" and you start to look at it as, "How would I have handled that?" This takes the joy out of it, but when John Stewart agrees with you, it provides a gratification.

(See yesterday's post if this makes no sense to you.)