Manhattan Offender

Facebook FAIL

No.  I don't.  If you think I'm a "Real Mature Single", do you really think I want to meet a girl with fuschia hair?

The MO Interview: Robbyne, the real

 

Number thirty-one in a series.

1. What's your secret to staying so beautiful?
   It’s no secret that good black don’t crack.  Melanin is a wonder thing. But to help, I don’t associate with fools and idiots.  They bring too much stress into your life.  When a motherfucker starts acting stupid, I show them the door.
2. Is it true what the tabloids are saying about your relationship?
   It is all lies.  I keep the tabloids out of my business.  I never let the right hand know what the left hand is doing.  I’m a Scorpio.  I know how to keep shit on the down low.
3. This new project of yours is certainly taking everyone by surprise. Tell us about it.
   My latest project is a book based on my experience working as a booker at one of New York’s top escort agencies. I got out of the business when I found out I could get more time in jail for selling someone else’s pussy than for selling my own.  I had to wait to make sure the statute of limitations had expired on my case before I could talk about it.  I didn’t want to get arrested because in jail you can’t get a weave or a 12-inch dick.
4. Who are you wearing?
   Isaac Mizrahi. I bought this dress at the Goodwill Thrift Shop.  I refuse to pay retail.
5. Would you ever do a role that required nudity?
   Nudity doesn’t bother me.  But it would all depend on the camera angle because my breasts haven’t stood up on their own since I was twelve.

Robbyne Kaamil is an advice diva, comedian, voice-over actress, full-figured model, teddy-bear professional and so much more.  Get to know Robbyne (and get some straight-up advice) at her website, Can We Be Real .

Ten Tip Tuesdays - How to tell your pretentious friend to be, well, less pretentious and join you in doing something, well, rather common.

1. "Choosy mothers cause riffs."
2. "Sometimes you need to expect less."*
3. "High standards don't directly correlate to high times."
4. "Just join me and relish in the irony."
5. "Admittedly, irony is very pre-Obama, so relish in the explorative nature of it all."
6. "If they post pictures you can always untag them."
7. "Think of it as charitable work.  Collect your receipts, and write it off on your taxes."
8. "Anna might be there."**
9. Pause, flash a knowing smile, and say, "I didn't think you'd get it."
10. ___________________

*My friend George told me this in 1998.  It was a life-changer.
**All people named Anna are pretentious.

The return of the MO Interview

Back in 2005 a series of interviews started here asking five simple questions:

1. What's your secret to staying so beautiful?
2. Is it true what the tabloids are saying about your relationship?
3. This new project of yours is certainly taking everyone by surprise. Tell us about it.
4. Who are you wearing?
5. Would you ever do a role that required nudity?

It was the Proustian Questionnaire with the vapidity of Access Hollywood and a focus on the celebrities of my life instead of the the national celebrities of whom I know (thankfully) nothing.  (For example, while it is sad when anyone is beaten, why is it extra sad when the Umbrella girl is beaten by a chewing gum salesman?  Sorry, I digress.)

In the past the interview was graced by Michael Musto (!), RuPaul, Lypsinka, the owner of Boy Butter (?!) and people met in dive bars like Milano's. 

Word has gone out to a new batch of people of (my) interest and will start up soon.  Any requests?  Let me know.

The media, shockingly, has it wrong about the Oscars being thuper-gay. The Oscars were something else entirely.

All the talk this morning from NPR to Gawker has been about how GAY the Oscars were.  It's not like it was the Tony's.

No, what the Oscars were was Asian.  (India is in Asia!)  Unfortunately this story is being ignored so the media can focus on "gay".  (And yet no one mentions Hugh Jackman and his "long-time" business "partner" John.)

Anyway, the Oscars were the most Asian Oscars since ever.  And Asians are not gay.

Via:  Secretly, the Oscars Have Always Been This Gay.

AM New York paper-handing-out guy makes my day and breaks my heart with a poem for the new great-with-a-small-'g' depression-with-a-small-'d'.

On Park Avenue South, rings out an elegy for the new economy:

AM New York,

Please take one.
Make me feel useful,
Please take one.

AM New York,
Here you go.
Take away my depression,
Here you go.

AM New York,
Please take one.
I need a job just like you so
Please take one.

(The above is a direct quote.  While I can't confirm that he was thinking in terms of poetry, it reached my ear as such.  Whether the paper-handing-out guys are at risk of job loss is something I don't know, but it would seem this fellow is lacking in job security.)

Instead of indicting the schools, indict the generation or maybe just the mirror, Fox News.

Oh, Fox News, this "We're populist," mantra is so funny, especially coming from you.  You list the CEO's of many of the nation's failing businesses along with their educational background.  You note that many are from top schools.  You draw the obvious conclusion that the schooling is the problem.

Could it maybe be generational though?  The majority of those listed graduated college before my generation had even finished grade school.  From the Fox listing, it seems that the baby boomers have sort of run out of ideas on how to generated revenue.  The argument could easily be made to throw out the baby boomers with their decrepit bathwater. 

Fox can stick with their argument though.  There are some massive dolts attending some of the world's top schools.  Here's a short list of them:

• Rupert Murdoch, Oxford
• Bill O'Reilly, Boston University
• Chris Wallace, Harvard
• Geraldo Rivera, Columbia
• Greta Van Susteren, Georgetown
• Sean Hannity, NYU

Granted, I'm from a state school, so maybe my perception is neither fair nor balanced.

This Valentine's Day maybe I'll find the best dating ad picture ever. Or maybe it will be the day after.

And yes, I did email him, but not for the reason you would expect. Permission was asked to use the image, but there was no response.  Silence is affirmation, right?

This Valentine's Day maybe I'll Egg my Peds. Or maybe I'll have a baby do it.

No, really, watch this one. A huge mitigating factor is that I actually own a Ped-Egg. You are only supposed to go back and forth with the blades. A sideways swipe could cause some annoying cuts on the sole of your foot. For bonus points, click through the video to read the comments on the video from foot fetishists and folks accusing the creator of being a bad parent. It's just a little amazing.

This Valentine's Day maybe I'll fix my dick.

Sent to me by Paul Ferrer, this not-safe-for-work video of Christeene Lyon is making me hunger for a return of a certain scene downtown.