Manhattan Offender

Benefitting from swine flu

Last night I attended a benefit in the place of a friend that has swine flu, er, H1N1.  Not the jokey, "I've got swine flu," but the real deal, diagnosed by a doctor version.  Bored this morning (he's not the type to spend so much time at home) he inquired on how things went.  Following is my report back:

First of all, thank you for the opportunity to attend in your stead.  Here’s what I remember:

1. I decided that Long Island Iced Teas were a good idea.  I had five or six of them. In your name.
2. [Redacted-1] capped the evening with a round of Jaeger shots for us all.
3. There were some cute guys there, but all had flaws.  The cutest one had this lovely full beard, but had this inch of space where his sideburns would be.  There was also a tall handsome one that just could not look my way.  He was obviously retarded.
4. The food?  Pretzels and goldfish.
5. There was a gigantess there with huge tits that just were barely held in by a skimpy outfit.  She was amazing and I love her.
6. We just HAD to meet [redacted-2] because of her amazing name.  She sheparded us into the upstairs VIP area.
7. The VIP food?  Six-foot long sandwich!  It was very delicious! 
8. It was the first time I think I’ve ever gone upstairs at Stonewall.  I think it might be a good birthday venue.  Speakeasy feel.
9. The bathroom did not lock.  Even if you closed the door, people would walk in on you.  [Redacted-1] took a dump anyway.
10. Afterwards we met [redacted-4] and [redacted-5] (both of whom I now like very much) at Automatic Slims.
11. [Redacted-6] joined us, but did not eat.  DOES [REDACTED-3] EAT?????
12. I had the Catfish Fingers.  I did not know Catfish had HANDS!?!?!?!?  Anyway, in drunkenness, I dumped the entire plate in my lap.  I was befuddled by the tartar sauce stain on my pants this morning.
13. I bought a comic book on the way home and took the subway.  I do not remember buying or reading the comic book, but it was in my bed with me when I woke up this morning.
14. For some reason I am not hungover.
15. Again, thank you.

Michael 'Mike' Bloomberg thinks gays are easily influenced by reality television and don't care about graphic design.

Color me undecided, but this ad (the above three images are captures from an animated Flash ad seen on the Daily News' Daily Politics blog) certainly won't sway me.  First of all, separating New and York over two different lines is just visually upsetting and demonstrates a lack of attention to detail.  Then to tout endorsements from Isaac Mizrahi and Tim Gunn is just insulting.  (Perhaps their endorsements for a breathable seersucker suit or a non-saggy linen, but mayor?)  Another endorsement (not shown here) is from the Log Cabin Republicans, regarded by 98% of gays as the queens of sadness.

So don't speak down to me Mayor Bloomberg.  Talk to me about why New York City residents pay a higher percentage than anywhere else in the world for public transportation.  Talk to me about your silence on the 6% rent increase approved last night.  Talk to me about efforts to improve and diversify the economic base of the city, not just courting large businesses, but growing local ones.

But don't flout endorsements from reality shows.  And by all means keep New York together on the same line in subheaders.

Christine Quinn's action plan for today does not involve pies, but has all the right steps to get the vote on Marriage Equality in the Senate Circus today

Below find, in full, Quinn's letter sent this morning regarding getting the marriage bill voted on today:

June 24, 2009

 

Dear New Yorker,

 

You can help make Marriage Equality a reality in New York State.  If you feel as strongly about this issue as I do, the time to act is now!  

 

Governor Paterson has called a special session of the State Senate for today, Wednesday, June 24th, at 3 p.m. and he has placed the Marriage Equality Act at the top of the agenda.

 

Make your voice heard.  Call your State Senator about the Marriage Equality Act (A.7732 - O'Donnell / S.4401 - Duane), which would provide marriage rights to same sex couples.

 

Millions are ready for a change and are ready for it now!  Our state has long been a moving force in fights for equal rights, and this crucial bill, if passed, will keep us at the forefront of this movement. 

 

HERE'S HOW YOU CAN TAKE ACTION: 

 

1. Call five friends who live in the districts of State Senators who are not yet firmly committed to a position on the Marriage Equality Act. 

 

2. Urge them to call and write their State Senator.  They should ask their Senator to not only take a position on the Marriage Equality Act but to urge his/her colleagues to do so as well! 

 

3. Contact the leaders in the State Senate - Malcolm Smith (212) 298-5585, John Sampson (718) 649-7653, Pedro Espada, Jr. (518) 455-3395 and Dean Skelos (516) 766-8383 - and let them know your position on this important civil right.

 

Contact information for State Senators can be found here: 

 

• http://www.nysenate.gov/senators  
• New York State Senate Switchboard (518) 455-2800 

 

Thanks so much for helping us make Marriage Equality a reality in New York State.

 

Sincerely, 

Christine C. Quinn

Speaker

New York City Council

While it doesn't include a pie in Diaz's face, it is effective.

Gay marriage bill hits the State Senate tomorrow. Here's an action plan:

The Daily Politics - NY Daily News.

Today's extraordinary Senate session went so well that Gov. David Paterson wants to do it again tomorrow, and this time he's putting gay marriage on the agenda. Democratic senators who are lingering the chamber and waiting for something to happen confirm that they have been delivered a second proclamation from the governor declaring another session tomorrow - Same bat time! Same bat station! Even though the Senate has so far only passed five of the 55 bills the governor put on today's agenda, the new proclamation includes an additional 10 bills, and same-sex marriage is No. 1.

1.  If you can, go to Albany tomorrow.  Don't worry about having a plan, there will be others there.  Just meet up with them.
2.  Call the following tonight:  Your State Senator, Governor Patterson's office (to thank him)
3.  If you see Senator Ruben Diaz, Sr. of the Bronx, throw a pie in his face.  It's time this Anita Bryant throwback was treated with the disrespect he deserves.

Obiter Dictum: The Trophies Of Fifth Avenue

Via This, regarding This:

In high school, amongst other things, I was on the Debate Team. Also amongst other things, I excelled at it. In fact, I was state champion.

Because of this success, I won many ribbons, and at the bigger tournaments, trophies. Those trophies are still out and about at the old house. Some rusted. Some cracked. Some have faded out. But they’re still around, steady on their marble bases with gold leaf clinging to rusting base material.

I love my old trophies.

Unless you are an elf, please don't wear pointed-toe shoes and other rants.

The shoes are just the wing-tip of the iceberg.  Life is too busy right now!  There are unfinished drafts that just can't seem to get written!  There are pitches sitting incomplete in the outbox!  But a jazzy queen riding on my subway car has tipped me over the edge!

What have I been up to?

• Marching in Queens Pride with Western Queens for Marriage Equality and the Bridesmaids for Marriage Equality!
• Making lunch with farfalle, tuna, olive oil, black beans, and petite Brussels sprouts!
• Calling my State Senator and Governor Patterson's office, trying to ensure that there is a vote on the marriage bill!
• Working around 60 hours per week!
• [Redacted] with [redacted], [redacted], [redacted], AND [redacted]!
• Going to TUG and TWEET at The Hose!
• Marching in Brooklyn Pride with Marriage Equality New York and the blushing, beautiful, boozy Bridesmaids for Marriage Equality!
• BBQ at Met!
• Crashing house-parties in Brooklyn and "encouraging" shots of Jägermeister!
• Pitching my first ever thing to [Redacted]!  About Cairo!
• Being interviewed for [Redacted]!
• Going to Butt Magazine's foolish party at Knitting Factory!
• Going to the (meh) Big Banana Party at Gorilla Club (which is secretly also Knitting Factory)!
• Making my first purchase on Gilt Group!  John Varvatos for Converse!
• And there is writing!  The Pride continues over at The Awl!  And there are lesbians!  

It's funny, how staring at a pair of shoes can bring you back to a point of furor that makes you want to reach out to the person wearing them and scream at them, "You are not an elf and therefore should not wear pointy shoes!" but instead you start to write again because those horrible horrible shoes screamed at you first:  "You're alive!"

Local blogger visits High Line and manages to not live-blog it with his iPhone.

Also accepts that there are already more than 7,886 photos already on Flickr, so there is no need to add to that noise.  Finally?  Remembers that the burgers at The Park are too greasy and garlicky.

Obiter dictum: Explaining my Pavlovian response to all matters "San Francisco".

In response to this (strangely):

Anytime I hear someone sing praise of San Francisco, I get angry for some reason. I’ve never even been there, but there was this kid, "Jimmy", that transferred in the senior year of high school that dared to be both smart and popular and rebellious. Dammit, but that was my fucking niche, and I stood my ground and relegated him out of the popular circles. We almost fought once, but didn’t, girlfriends holding us back, “Stop it! Stop it!” By the end of senior year, I was nominated for prom court and Jimmy wasn’t so it all worked out. I didn’t even go to the dance (even though a girl’s parents offered to buy me a tux, but hello? Steve has already fucked her, which means she was already a slut so what did I want with her?) I know through that “People you may know” upper righthand corner ghost on Facebook that Jimmy is bald in a bad way now (not in the acceptable way I am), but I won’t friend him because we weren’t and aren’t.

Two friends of mine are moving to San Francisco, one this month to be a teacher and one next to skateboard or some shit. They’re both bangable (June moreso than July), but I haven’t, which means they are actually just friends. Both have offered lodging if I were to come out (”You’d love it out there.”) but I’d really prefer to go to Europe or Morocco (and I have always had a fascination with Key West).

So when I think of tacos, real tacos without Chamomille-filtered Angus-grade tofu, I’ll go to my local Taco Truck. Or Mexico (despite the risk of kidnapping). But San Francisco? San Francisco can go fuck itself.

Joe Bruno sways to gays.

Words fail.

Via Andres at Blabbeando.

Introducing "The Pride"

My desk has tons of little scraps of paper that have been building up over the years to make character references for what was going to be a novel.  Because books are sort of slumpy on sales these days, those notes are now being driven into a screenplay.  To promote my future film, I'm presenting the screenplay in serialized format over at The Awl.

The story takes place as a group of friends gather at an apartment on Fifth Avenue in the teens that just happens to have a balcony where they can watch the annual gay parade.  There are sunglasses and mountain bikes, cupcakes and cocaine, STD's and lots more in a big snapshot hopefully capturing "What's Gay Now" in an inobvious way.

I hope you'll enjoy "The Pride".