Manhattan Offender

The Today Show is not a morning news program

As a working person, I haven't seen Today in years.  waiting for my ride out of town this morning, and wanting to see the news, Pavlovian-like mental processes compelled me to turn to The Today Show.  A five minute segment was devoted to Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb essentially re-enacting the episode of The Simple Life where Paris Hilton and Nichole Richie visit a dude ranch.  

Out of sheer disgust, that video was sought to share with you, to spread the shame like a molded marmalade.  Unfortunately (?) it was unavailable, however, the day's top headlines were listed:

• Are moms judged too harshly for giving up custody?
  
• Report says beach water quality still lags | Images
  
• Julia Child’s legacy: Inspiring cooks to have fun
  
• Zesty! Donatella Arpaia shares lemon recipes
  
• $5,000 for pictures? Creating a wedding budget
  
• Fashion rebellion! 7 style rules to break
  
• Meredith's dream coffee date … Groucho Marx?
  
• Tall order: Hotel caters to guests — and giraffes
  
• After 15 years, will on Kerouac estate ruled fake
  
• Watchdogs decry ‘danger’ to Suleman octuplets
  
• Video: Dangers of texting while driving 

  And that's the way it is, bitches. 

Note for the cat/house-sitter

Hey babe -

Thanks so much for hanging out with Sybil and watching the apartment.  Here's a few things to know:

1.  Air-conditioner:  It's just barely in the window.  There's no support under it, so if you crack the window open or push it too hard, it's going to plummet to the earth below.  It should be enough to cool the entire apartment, but the living room does of course stay cooler.

2. The copper oscillating fan in the bedroom is pretty much just for looks now.  The last time I used it, it smelled of smoke, so don't use that.

3.  The upper portion of the bedroom window won't close.  I've told the super, but it's still unfixed.  Mosquitos haven't been a problem so far.

4.  Bicycle:  It's totally yours to use.  I've left the key in the lock.  You'll need to take the airpump with you though as the tires aren't holding air very well.  When full, it'll get you to Williamsburg and back though.

5.  Any of the food is yours for the taking, but unfortunately that consists of a can of black beans, some farfalle, and Kashi cereal.  

6.  The canvas bag with the camel by the dressing chair in the bedroom holds the clothes you left the last time you housesat.  I threw in some extra clothes you might like, and some gifts.  The bag is a gift too.

7.  I have a landline now.  Feel free to use it.  You can call your own cell with it if you need the number, because I don't know it.  For whatever reason, my cable bill is less for having added it.

8.  The airport password is sybilxxxx.

I'll be back super-late Sunday.

xoxo ....

These Sandi-Patty-album-cover-skies must end!

(If you don't understand, look it up. Or? Travel back in time to the 1980's and watch cartoons after school with me, commercials for Ms. Patti's work will be on. It will be available in vinyl, 8-track or cassette.)

Name dropped? Really?

ON THE PHONE, AT HOME, EARLY EVENING FRIDAY

Dan:  I read your name today.
Me:  My site?  I haven't posted to it forever.
Dan:  No, your name.  Writer Rod Townsend in the East Village.
Me:  But I don't live in ...
Dan:  No, it was about the East Village and how you're ... hold on, I'll grab it.
Me:  What is 'it'?
Dan:  Oh, Time Out.  The East Village issue.  Here.  Wait ... Okay, "The Hose, Who you'll see:  Guys in muscle tees and trucker hats, writer Rod Townsend, DJ Josh Sparber and Justin Bond (one half of Kiki & Herb)".
Me:  Why would anybody care where or what Rod Townsend goes or does?  Did they quote somebody?
Dan:  No, it's just ...
Me:  Who wrote it?
Dan:  Leslie Price.
Me:  Is that a girl or a guy?
Dan:  It doesn't really say.  It's not a big deal and it's not why I called anyway.  About the beach tomorrow, ...

As it's the first time I've seen my name in print in such a manner, it has me a little confused.  This is not a person "on the scene" for sure; it says so in my ManHunt profile.  My recommendation for just about anything is not something one would typically follow.  As for The Hose, well, yes, I've been there a lot, especially for the now defunct MooseKnuckle.  (Also, pictured in the article is Scott Anthony, so maybe there is some technophile thing going there.)  It did sort of encourage me to start writing again, so, um, thanks?

The return of Manhattan Offender

Every summer it's the same thing:  sacrifice one activity for another.  BBQ or beach?  Biking or beer?  Boy or boys?  The choices are everywhere, and confounding.  For the past three weeks, the choice has been "____________ or blog?" with _____________ typically winning.  This leaves stories untold, pictures unposted, and readers, well, gone!

The problem is partly a loss of direction.  What is "Manhattan Offender"?  Or more so, what should it be?  I'm not vain enough to think the details of my life are interesting, yet knowledgeable enough to know that the little stories are often the best.  While it's easy to regurgitate things found elsewhere and just sprinkle in your own occasional point of view, is that enough to sustain a readership?  Answer:  it totally is.

So, away we go with MOv8.3 or something like that.  Let's get started ... 

Obiter dictum: Sarah Palin, generator of pageviews, unfortunately

In response to The Real Meaning of Sarah Palin:

Are you exploring this out of an interest in pageviews or do you really give a shit? Because I’ll be honest, I don’t. She just doesn’t interest me any more than the lady that made my sloppy bao for lunch.

And that, actually, is a lie. The woman that made my sloppy bao wasn’t born from middling family of middling means. She took a boat or a plane and crossed an ocean to arrive in a land where she started at point zero (you can’t say “ground” anymore due to co-option by the evils). She’s a nice lady that works hard and gave me advice the first time I ordered (”medium spicy, trust me, gooood”). She always has a smile despite working in a tight space making tasty sandwiches for douchebags like myself and when she says “good to see you” I believe it.

Now look at the paragraph above and see if you can find anything congruous to Sarah Palin. You can’t. Palin has none of these elements of what make, to me, an honest, interesting, sincere person. She reminds me of the women in the local PTA when I was a kid, who, when my mom thought to join in, were such utter beasts, sent her and most of the better parents running in the opposite direction. It’s really the best analogy that comes to mind.

In the case of those PTA ladies, I didn’t keep up with them. Their miserable lives just weren’t compelling to me, so I don’t know if they are alive or dead. I’d love to say the same of Palin.

Happy Fourth!

They're blocking my fucking view, and fucking nobody lives in them.