Manhattan Offender

Blogging about 7-11 used to be ironic, but now it's just another day in Manhattan, Mall of America

Back in 2005, it was fun to write about this bizarre thing called Seven-Eleven opening just around the corner from my office.  Now it's sort of depressing.  So I'll have my free Slurpee tomorrow.  And mix it with absinthe.  And cry.

Link: Hot Dog! It’s National Slurp-Day.

Slurp me

After a month, I was finally able to buy a Slurpee today.  Crystal Light Strawberry Banana.  Flavor was a bit intense.  But it was cold.  (And kosher, whatever that means!)

Instead of the regular rush in/rush out in disgust of the the lack of diet-conscious Slurpees that has been my previous experience, I took my time and perused the other selections:

• Some pleasant surprises:  protein bars. 
• Some odd choices:  a little bowl of sliced mango (just mango) for $2.89. 
• Some "This would be so awesome if I was 20 and stoned" munchies:  nachos with hot cheese and chili. 
• Some mutant foods:  a cheeseburger thingie that is processed into the shape of a large hot dog.

Suddenlyan inspiration.  Why not do the "Morgan Spurlock" treatment here?  Eat breakfast, lunch and dinner here at 7-11 for an entire month.  A quick glance to the burger dog convinces me that a week would be fine.  The aroma of cheese (powder mixed with hot water) limits it to breakfast and lunch only.  The Star magazine on the rack reminds me that it's swimsuit season and 'too thin is in'.  The idea is shelved until October at least.

Hateful Slurpees

Dear 7-11,

Okay, girl, you're in Manhattan now; you need to adjust a bit to our lifestyle if you're going to make it here.  We aren't like your larger-scaled customers in say, Missouri.  We like our drinks without corn syrup.  We like chemical additives like Splenda, NutraSweet, and even saccharine.  So you need to have more flavors in your Slurpee machine to cater to us, as we can give you press and sexy, semi-ironic je ne sais quois.

Case in point.  You have only one diet flavor in the Slurpee machine and it is sold out!  Props, however, for choosing Crystal Light (though we prefer cocaine).  I'd love to see a Tab Slurpee!  That would be the poo!

Warm regards -

Manhattan Offender

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Please help MO help 7-11 adjust to its new environs.  Write to them here.

7-11 is the new black

Dean and DeLuca your days are numbered.  7-11 has opened on 23rd Street and it is hoppin'.  The line to get in the door is long.  Hipsters, bankers and folks of all types are breaking down the door to get in.

Granted it could be all the free sandwiches that they are giving away on the street.  And the free Slurp-ees (sp?) that they are giving away on the inside.

Or it could be the guy dressed as a giant Slurp-ee standing outside.