Manhattan Offender

Hey, Facebook friend! If you're not too busy finding out which Barbie you are or what color your coochie aura is, I made, with you in mind, the quiz to end all quizzes.

Hopefully?  Literally.

Take it now and, by all means, share it with your friends!

Ten Tip Tuesdays - What to do when Facebook is down

1. Your job.  Your soul-less, mind-melting job.
2. Write your Mom a quick note.  Maybe she'll write you back and you can get a book deal.
3. Smoke.  Feel the nicotine slowly numb your nerve-endings and soothe your mind, just as effectively as that status update from that girl you boinked in high school that now has three kids, the oldest of which sort of looks like you, but, doing the math, is obviously not yours.
4. Try to remember your Friendster password.  Or your MySpace password.  Don't actually log in though. 
5. Google image your name.  Try to understand the relation to you of all the images.
6. Click refresh.  Stare at screen.  Click refresh.  Stare at screen.  Click refresh. Stare ...
7. Buy a magazine or newspaper or book.  Just for shits and giggles.
8. Search YouTube for just the right version of someone lip syncing "Buffalo Stance" so that you can later post it.  On Facebook.
9. Update your poor neglected blog.
10.  ...

Liveblogging my exploration of the horrible new Facebook homepage

1:17 - Oh, this is cluttered.

1:18 - Those people you hit "less about"?  They're back.

1:19 - Where the fuck is my live feed?  The live feed is my cigarette. Do you really want me to start smoking again, Facebook? DO YOU?

1:21 - The Typepad - Facebook link doesn't seem to be working.

1:25 - Not everyone has had the "new" page roll out.  Confusion in the status updates among those that have and have not experienced the change.

1:29 - This is not dissimilar to watching coverage of Katrina.  Somewhere someone is saying, "You're doing a heck of a job, Zuckerberg."

1:32 - Usually I see Facebook from home, where I have AdBlocker Plus installed.  I just noticed there isn't even an attempt at advertising on the homepage at the moment.  So the investors are still paying for all of this non-monetizable foofoo?

1:35 - Okay, it's official.  I hate it. 

END LIVEBLOG

Barack Obama and I are friends. According to Facebook. I'm certain that I never "added" him. Can I at least put him on limited profile? WTF?

UPDATE 1:  Pages now act like "friends" on Facebook.  So every page or group that you joined can now give you status updates.  This will make it easier for 'advertisers' if Facebook ever gets any of those.
UPDATE 2:  After commenting my surprise about our friendship, I noted later that my comment was removed.  Barack censored me!

Facebook FAIL

No.  I don't.  If you think I'm a "Real Mature Single", do you really think I want to meet a girl with fuschia hair?

Like, Facebook is, like, digging into Digg.

With social networking firmly dominated, Facebook is expanding to other social mediums, in this case "news".  While it seems an innocent enough tweak, the addition of "liking" a post or link is probably the beginning of a direct assault on Digg.  Facebook is racing toward ubiquity.

25 random things meme from Facebook as old school blog post

1. Number geek is an appropriate label for me. For example when I see the number 25, five squared and the square root of 625 and a 25 degree angle and various equations involving two and five are in my mind.
2. Passive counting of everything and awareness of numbers are not obsessions, but they are practices. For example, in New York City, after a solid white walk sign, the orange "don't walk" light flashes thirteen times during which time the accompanying traffic light will be green. (The flashing turns to a solid "don't walk" at the same time the light changes from green to amber.)
3. Grammar is important to me. Abbreviation for text messages is laziness and leaves too much room for interpretation in a message. The casualness of grammar in children is worrisome and signifies a breakdown of cultural structure.
4. The word "I" as an overused sentence subject denotes weak writing to me.
5. I introduce myself as a writer even though my writing has never provided more than fifteen per cent of my annual income. While an agent has expressed an interest in working with me, we've never gotten to the point of pitching to a publisher mainly because my other work consumes most of my time.
6. My other work involves operations and logistics and profit management for a high-end furniture designer/manufacturer. This work can be emotionally, physically, and mentally draining, but must continue so that my debt can be paid down.
7. My most recent ex ran up $15,000 in debt on one of my credit cards. While this is not a huge amount, it has put a damper on my life. It seems that my freedom from that time is tied to its pay-off.
8. That ex lives downstairs from me. We do not speak at all. Despite the money, there is no reason to revisit him. After six years of being told you're a bad person, it is amazingly freeing when you find that you're actually kind of an okay guy.
9. Another ex was dating someone upstairs from me. We speak regularly, and he was my guest out on Fire Island this past summer. He recently became a U.S. citizen and when he called to tell me the news, I cried tears of joy. He'll always be one of my loves, although things would never work out between us. (Our signs (Virgo and Libra) are incompatible.)
10. Astrology is not something I follow; however it is often spot-on in terms of compatibility. I am a Libra with Scorpio rising sun and moon. Apparently this makes me a flirty sex-monster.
11. I am a flirty sex-monster. You probably know at least ten people with whom I've at least made out. At the same time, this is not what I consider to be a defining characteristic and in fact is counter to my inherent shyness. In ways though my inherent shyness is due to fear of judgment of my flirty sex-monstosity.
12. In the past month, disparaging, judgmental comments have been made regarding me and "that crowd you run with". Those comments are duly noted as more informational regarding those making them than about me. That glazing in my eyes as seen when the comments were made were not indicative of drug use, but were indicative of my being nonplussed as to why such a person would speak to me in the first place.
13. While much of the material in my writing is about my personal life, my privacy is very important to me. Gossip and rumor are the brain chowder of self-starving minds and horrible habits. My own participation in such never fails to self-disappoint.
14. It is this desire for privacy that partially fuels my semi-obsession of not wanting photos taken of me, like, ever.
15. The other partial fuel is that I don't photograph very well or that I don't really know what I look like and am always confused when pictures of me appear. Several years ago I kept excusing myself from getting in the way of this guy that I found to be sort of hunky as we both shuffled back and forth in a doorway. Eventually my eyes met his, I began to speak, and then realized that the doorway was actually a mirror. It was the first time I had ever considered myself "attractive". (The above being said, if you are a photographer and are wanting a subject to shoot, I'd love to do it. I love working with artists in any medium in any way. I find it fascinating.)
16. Like most people I think, I don't consider myself handsome or attractive, but I am aware that my looks could be worse and thankful for not being (more severely) scarred from accident or illness.
17. Mystery and rare illnesses have haunted my entire life. My medical chart has included cat scratch fever and methicillin-resistant staphylococcus aureus. At the same time, none of the things that are supposedly in my genetics are evident (high blood pressure, diabetes, cancer, heart disease).
18. As a teen, I often dreamed about my own funeral. I didn't think I would hit thirty. At thirty, I didn't expect to hit forty. Presently, I don't expect to hit fifty. This is partly why I'm not goal-oriented. I think if I had children, this would change, but I would never have kids to fulfill a personal need.
19. Most people are surprised how natural and comfortable being with kids is for me, but I think I'd be a pretty awful father. Luckily there aren't any eggs flying at my sperm these days, so that isn't a worry. Further, without a significant other it would be highly unlikely that I would pursue fatherhood.
20. A significant other is most likely never going to be in the cards for me which is something with which I am cool. Not that I'm opposed to it, but I can't really even imagine it. Loneliness is not something I often feel and when I do, I call one of my friends.
21. Negating the previous, my friends are my significant others. My close friends and I often say "I love you" to each other and (unless they've completely deceived me) the sentiment is genuine.
22. Someone once said of my writing that I wear my sadness and joy on the same sleeve and with equal exuberance. While it can be a bit much, especially as it flutters between the two at a hummingbird's wing-speed, it is not just my writing; it's my life. I despise anything half-assed, despite considering myself really lazy.
23. Someone once called me an asshole, to which I replied, "Yeah, and?" While we weren't always, we are now good friends. That someone was my mom.
24. Someone once called my writing "tone poetry" which is actually what I consider it. Even for a simple thing like a list of 25 random things about me, I try to keep a narrative thread through the randomness. I am shocked and honored that anyone would even read this.
25. I've read everyone of these random lists that I've come across and am shocked and honored by the folks that tagged me. I'd tag everyone I knew if possible, but will have a 25-second stress-moment while choosing 25 people whom I want to know more about because I want to know more about everyone: the token booth lady with the wig (Brenda), the AM NY paper guy with the twitch (Amir), the dry-cleaning lady (Renee). The artifice of doing this "online" and via "social networking" is efficient, yet depressing. I'd prefer we just get together and talk.

Status

Rod realizes that Facebook will someday not exist, or will merely persist in the same way Friendster does, as a poor sad unused shadow of itself.  So he's reclaiming his own site for status reporting, thank you.

Facebook is dangling its prepositions in front of you

File this under 'rants of a grammar obsessive', but it should be "Networks to which you belong".  Thank you.

Did you know Scrabulous allows dirty words?

Scrabulous, the online game made popular via Facebook and the legal nemesis of Scrabble owner Hasbro, allows words not allowed in the Official Scrabble Dictionary.  Dirty words.  Very dirty words.  On the completed game board at the right it may be difficult to find, but post-jump it will be a little more obvious.