Manhattan Offender

Lesson plan for George

That man in the White House is at it again.  At 1:45 today he is apparently having a press conference regarding that scourge that kills millions on a daily basis, that blight that is holding back our economic potential, that nightmare that has our nation's children waking up in tears.  Yes, George W. Bush has his eyes set on gay marriage yet again.

Yet again the administration will pander to the basest element of our population, the hate-filled Christian right.  (Could he not get it on the schedule for tomorrow, 06/06/06?  Or is he worried that the sky is falling tomorrow?)  Faced with the realistic projection of loosing seats in and possibly control of Congress, he yet again plays his bigotry card.

So as a public service, the following list is provided for the President as issues that truly do need addressing and areas that he could possibly effect:

• Laura's hair.  It has been over six years that she has been First Lady and not one change.
• White House carpeting.  The breed of dog that he favors has, in my experience, a predeliction for urinating and defecating inside.  Evil little dogs really.  So it is probably no surprise that the carpets could use steaming or possibly replacement.
• A new state.  This was once a growing country with new states being added on a regular basis.  The changing of flags that would accompany the addition would be a boom as well, and as a nation we should support the Chinese economy as much as possible.

This is enough though.  We wouldn't want to overwhelm him.  (And click on George to make him dance.)

America, declassified

So the leak was not a leak; it was a declassification.  And the person that declassified the information is the one that authorized the investigation into the leak, which was really a declassification.  And this whole affair cost the government millions to investigate, money that we don't really have because we are in a war which was started based partially on the declassified data.

So as my bank loan is processed so that my taxes can be paid on time the key word in my mind is declassification.  Growing up government was this magical thing that protected you from harm, be it military or economic.  Government was a great equalizer that eased your way up the social ladder and prevented those on the top from harming those below.  Government was possibility, opportunity and ability.  Government had class.

Sometime in the last twenty years that perception of government has changed.  The corporate takeover has been completed.  Our elections are being handed over to military contractors, our schools and libraries to religious zealots, our elected offices to self-interested little bitches.  It all lands in the lap of our current administration, perhaps the most effective example of a government that is becoming more crass and least class.

So one word comes to mind this tax season, ringing in my head:  declassified.

(Now back to funny/ha-ha because funny/sad is exhausting.)

Show me one gay republican hottie

This one simple little post by Joe.My.God brings me to confess two things. 

First, MO is really good with, like, math.  The guidance counselors et al always wanted me to be an engineer or mathematician (whatever that is).  Whatever.

Second, once upon a time, MO was a registered republican.  The appeal was that of laissez faire government, which, in retrospect is so utterly clueless and, with the desperate marriage of religious right to corporate interests, not really what the republican party is about anymore.  As a more realistic world view came into play, my party affiliation changed.

Genuinely, though, anyone that in this day and time that calls themselves a republican, gay or not, just seems to be a bit off, right?  Last summer, while effectively intoxicated at the Eagle, a guy, lets call her Ellephant, with not one, but three Bush/Cheney buttons bumped into me.  Turning around and eying the buttons, my immediate thought was that it was meant to be ironic, and not started laughing, but also tapped Fang's shoulder and pointed out Elle's buttons, attracting much attention.

Apparently Elle's buttons weren't meant to be ironic.  Oops.

Which brings me to the reason that republicans, especially gay ones, are not hot.  They lack humor, sparkle, wit, glamor, joie de vivre.  But they can change.  I did.

(Via Queerty.)

Next ask him if he bought the new Paris Is Burning DVD.

Why does the government need to know about Nicole Richie's headscarf?

If you've arrived at Manhattan Offender in the past few months from the Google search engine, that information is of great interest to the government.  By looking at the various ways that people have arrived here via Google in the past few months, the government's interest is very obvious:

• "Nicole Richie headscarf"
• "Gay Male Wrestling"
• "Puerto Rican Male Models"
• "Lezzy Town"
• "Buddy Booth"
• "Habibi Party and Gay"
• "Fabian Basabe"
• "7-11 Manhattan"
• "Rentboy Puerto Vallarta"
• "Golden Globes Gays Disgusting"
• "Pussy And Pingas"
• "McConnaughey Workout Plan"
• "Ladies For Casual Encounters"
• and my FAVORITE:  "Manhattan Offender"

This information will be so very useful.  Don't you feel safer already?

Inspired by ultranow.

P.S.  No need to search for "Manhattan Offender" anymore, by the way.  Just go to http://manhattanoffender.com!

New Orleans: George W. Bush is a miserable failure

If you haven't heard last night's WWL radio interview of New Orleans Ray Nagin, read the transcript here or listen to it here; Nagin will break your heart, but he relays the specific failings of the United States government in reacting to Katrina. The situation continues to deteriorate and will continue to do so as the federal government has been a deer in the headlights of the reality that necessitates leadership.
The lack of quick action has multiplied the tragedy of this event. Following last year's tsunami, food and water supplies were air-dropped within 36 hours. This country has not yet effectively deployed the assistance needed to the people of New Orleans or the other affected areas. The blame for this utter failure falls on the shoulders of George W. Bush.
Sure, this site is supposed to be a humorous place, but disgust outweighs humor at the moment. The need to register the truth of the situation is necessary before the spin of sound-bytes begins.