Manhattan Offender

So, like, proposing "child-free" areas in public parks would probably get the mommy-squads all pissy, right?

If I get pretty enough, he wondered, then will they love me?

New York magazine uses its "Best of" weapon to try to destroy The Hose.

"Hey, the New York Magazine Best of New York issue is out."
"Is it March already?"
"Yeah, and look, The Hose totally made it."
"Made what?"
"Yes, look!  'Best Gay Bar.' Isn't it great?"
"Uh, no."
"What are you talking about?  You love The Hose!  Didn't you go-go dance for them on the opening night?"
"Yes."
"And aren't you thrilled for Paul Short, one of the sweetest party promoters in town?"
"Yes."
"So what's the ..."
"I totally saw New York's 'gay' reporter at The Hose one night, doing his research.  Granted, I was in 'force of nature' mode by that point, so I don't remember it well, but I could kick myself for not having spilled a drink on him or sent a troll his way to way to ruin his evening."
"Tim Murphy, right?  Why would you want to ruin his evening?"
"Because I'm shy."
"What? You're not ..."
"Fine, I'm exclusive."
"You're losing me."
"I don't like places that 'everyone' goes to.  And it's not some 'cool' thing as I'm decidedly uncool."
"It's a 'cool' thing."
"No, it's just I like to be around people of a like mind.  And I hate crowds."
"It's a 'cool' thing."
"Fuck you."
"Not even with your dick.  So you totally aren't happy for Paul and Kiger and Dustin and Juan and Ashton and Ryan and everybody else involved with The Hose?  And you're never going to go there again?  Right."
"Oh, I'll go.  Well, maybe."
"Maybe?  Weren't you talking about go-going there again sometime soon?"
"Yeah, and I totally will, but they'll ... There's one thing they'll have to do."
"Drink tickets?"
"Oh, that'd be nice."
"But what's this 'one thing'?"
"Um.  Two words:  Restrictive Door."

Echoes of things that you said

"Hey, you."
"What?"
"I said, 'Hey, you'."
"Yeah, okay.  I got that, but who are you?"
"I'm that voice that talks to you when you're sort of bouncing around in your own head."
"The one that isn't the cat."
"Interesting that you named her Sybil, by the way, but yeah, not the cat."
"Okay, so, like, what?"
"It's time, scrabble-ass."
"Hammer Time?"
"Don't be an ass."
"I'm not being an ass.  I love Hammer Time."
"No.  You don't.  It's representative of the beginning of an era of overproduced schlock."
"Okay, busted."
"Look.  It's time to start writing again."
"Writing.  Hm."
"Yeah."
"About what?"
"Since when have you needed an about?"
"Fuck off!  There's always been an about.  A need to communicate my unique ..."
"Cut the shit.  You write because you enjoy it."
"Well, I sort of stopped enjoying it."
"You were distracted."
"And there was that stay in that 'facility'."
"Don't try."
"Try what?"
"Try to make it sound like you were in rehab."
"Okay, so I was in the hospital.  It was just four days."
"Exactly.  And it shook you a little."
"True."
"But you're okay now."
"Yeah, apparently."
"And you're back to the gym.  You're back to socializing.  You're back to working incredibly long hours.  It's time to get back to writing."
"It is, isn't it?"
"Yeah."
"But it needs to be different now.  More impulsive.  Mix it up a little."
"Agreed."
"And can it sometimes just be some links to stuff I found?"
"Why not?"
"But what if nobody reads it?"
"Fuck 'em."
"Literally!"
"Ha!"
"Exactly!"
"Exactly."
"Okay then.  What should I write about?"
"Don't ask me.  I'm just one of the voices inside your head."
"Thus the title of this post.  Do you think people will get it?"
"Those that do, will.  The rest?  Fuck 'em!"
"Literally!"
"Heh.  Yeah.  Literally."