Manhattan Offender

Freak me

The following hypothesis was recently presented to me:

All songs that have the word "freak" in them are actually speaking in code for anal sex.

This theory was immediately dismissed as the thoughts of someone who is getting either too much or too little of said sex.  Songs featuring the word have been with me my entire life.  Freak was merely synonymous with wild or uninhibited.  If, as Rick James claimed "she's a ve-ry freaky girl, the kind you don't take home to mo-ther" then she is simply beyond mother's ability or patience to understand your spending time with her as she is a super-freak, super-freak, she's super-freaky.

But the idea stuck with me.  Could Missy Elliot be encouraging us to get our anal sex on?  Could le anal sex be tres chic?  Further investigation was necessary.  Reference materials tended to agree that the term was originally meant as something mutated or changed beyond the normal.  Eventually as body modifications became more common within the culture freak left it's scientific origin and entered the realm of the freak show.  The original 'freak scene' in music indeed had to do with oddity or strangeness.  As language continues to evolve, could 'freak' indeed now refer to anal sex?

Further study would require study with the assumption that the original hypothesis is correct and examination of lyrics from more than one genre.  If the theory could be disproved upon study then the hypothesis could be dismissed as false.  Otherwise the hypothesis could stand, although not proven as fact.  The first set of lyrics does seem to point in a certain direction:

Song:  Le Freak
Artist:  Chic
Lyric:

Young and old are doing it, I'm told
Just one try, and you too will be sold
It's called Le Freak!
They're doing it night and day
Allow us, we'll show you the way

Conclusion:  Not only does Chic enjoy anal sex, they encourage it among others.

After the jump, further examination proves to me, and you as well, that the term freak does indeed refer to the booty bounce, the hershey hump, the pooh pound - anal sex - as illustrated by such diverse acts as Jodeci, Anastacia, Avril Lavigne, and Korn.

Metro Weakend

Okay, fine, I read Metro.  It's free, compact and the guy handing them out at my subway station looks like a pissed-on puppy dog if I don't accept his hand-out.  Plus the Times is available online. 

Today Metro introduced a "new" weekend section, essentially repackaging their usual fare, adding movie listings and some other bland fare.  A page by page breakdown:

First page - Hype mostly, telling you what is inside:  a Missy Elliot interview, movie reviews of Dark Water and Fantastic Four, New York City's best burger and an introduction to the 'new' section by section editor Catherine New.  New's introduction essentially tells you that there is a Missy Elliot interview, movie reviews and restaurant picks inside.  Oh, and some gossip.  There is one glaring typo (to me anyway); New tells of an interview with Jessica Alba inside with what Alba was in common with Sue Stone of the Fantastic Four.  Um, even someone that is only 30% geek can tell you it's Sue Storm, as mentioned on the very next page of your section.  Editor, edit thyself.

Second and third pages - "Films" A bunch of movie reviews.  Some for movies that have just come out.  Others for movies that have been out for weeks now.  Surely you can't be planning to rehash every week.

Fourth and fifth pages - "Music + Arts"  Well, mostly music, with a Missy Elliott interview where you can learn that Missy has quit smoking pot.  Uh, huh.  One column of live music this weekend, such as Def Leppard.  Some album reviews with even more rehashing: the White Stripes new album came out more than a month ago.  An interview with Jamel Shabazz, a profile of some band with a long name and another column with gallery listings.  Oh, and something that looked like an ad, but is a "photo feature" asking some dull girl what dull music she is listening to and why.

Sixth and seventh pages - "People" One page of the regular gossip section and one page with interviews of Jessica Alba and Jennifer Connely, both of whom have new movies out (so maybe this belongs in the Movies section?).

Eighth and ninth pages - "Going Out"  Which is a food section.  Hmm.  Why not call it Eating Out, or, if that's too cunnigular for you, maybe Dining Out?  Oh, and that best burger in New York?  It was selected by GQ magazine, those arbiters of fine dining.  And it's at the Burger Joint in Le Parker Meridien.  So the news of 2001.

Tenth and eleventh pages (will it ever end) - "Listings"  Which is movie listings.  So in reality there are five pages of movies, just under half of the pages of the Weekend spectacular.  I'm sorry, but if the majority of our options for the weekend are going to see the movies, we might as well be living in Dubuque.

And that's it.  Finally.  In the introduction Catherine New writes:  "Put this newspaper in your bag - you're going to need it!"  And on a rainy day like today, she's right.  It makes a good umbrella.