Manhattan Offender

Guy Trebay looks out of his bubble in the New York Times and sees a trend instead of troubling reality.

It must be nice being Guy Trebay, looking out at the world through the double thermal-pane glass of the New York Times building spotting trend after trend.  Women in last year's fashions?  "Recent Vintage!"  Men eating hotdogs from trash cans?  "Trashez Chic Cuisine!"

Today Guy ventures out and sees that, well, we've put on some pounds.  Not in the middle-American obese way, but a more gentile rounding of the gut.  Could it be indicative of a new economic circumstance where those of us with jobs are working much longer hours and can't afford the gym time we once did?  Could it be that those without jobs simply can't afford the gym and trainer routines they once enjoyed?  Maybe it's that none of us are able to eat as well as we once did?  Maybe we're enjoying tummy-filling comfort food instead of tummy-shirking comfort cocaine?  None of the above!

Pot-bellies?  They're a trend!  And instead of going out on the street and actually talking to the tummied masses, Trebay goes deeper into his media bubble asking the similarly sheltered editors of Details, Men's Fitness, and Out for their insular, agreeing opinions.  (On a side note, when is the last time anyone read any of those magazines to get a fashion point-of-view?  They've collectively become the Macy's One-Day-Sale flyer in their pursuit of advertisier-friendly fashion editorial.)

So, if you're pot-bellied, like (sigh) me, don't blame it on your 60-hour workweek or the fact that you're besieged by bills.  Proclaim it a trend, and bookmark the Times article for proof.

(Image from New York Times. )

While I never thought I'd be one of those douches that writes to William Safire disagreeing about a derivation, I'm not surprised to post about it.

In a side note in Safire's On Language today (devoted to some spare phrases from the now-ended political campaign) there is the following:

We saw it during the late political campaign when Sarah Palin was asked by Sean Hannity of Fox News for the reaction of her daughters to her coming campaign: the governor said she “asked the girls what they thought, and they’re like: ‘Absolutely. Let’s do this, Mom!’ ” (The use of “they’re like” rather than “they said” reflects a current dismissal of the dull verb said; I used a variation above as “your reply goes” rather than is to demonstrate with-it-ness.)

Safire's, like, totally wrong!

Used as above, "like" does not replace "said".  More accurately it replaces "told me something like this" in abbreviated form as "like".

Is there some sort of prize co-funded by Webster's and Massengil that I should anticipate in the mail?

New York Times to change name to "Wealthy Caucasian Difficulties of the Day"

NEW YORK, July 7, 2008 -- The New York Times Company's Board of Directors today announced the change of title of its flagship publication.  Effective immediately the paper will be published under the name "Wealthy Caucasian Difficulties of the Day".  Originally the board had intended to change only the paper's tag line to "All the news that's fit for a prince", but the title change seemed more apt.

The New York Times Company (NYSE: NYT), a leading media company with 2007 revenues of $3.2 billion, which gives its owners such agita.  The Company's core purpose is to enhance society by creating, collecting and distributing high-end news, information and entertainment.

This press release can be downloaded from www.nytco.com

Link: Age of Riches - Challenges of $600-a-Session Patients - Series - NYTimes.com.

The Fire Island Listening Project: Media matters

Last summer saw me eavesdropping on and reporting back from Fire Island Pines.  Gawker isn't running "And the Brand Played On" again this summer, but with "the season" rapidly coming up, it's time to re-visit the concept.  The following originally appeared August 7, 2007.  All dialogue 100% verbatim.

EXT. BAY BAR
The Sunday noon crowd at Bay Bar consists of those running in and out to get iced coffee products and those sitting at tables enjoying iced coffee products. VISORGAY, wearing olive drab cargo shorts and a navy mesh Nike visor, sits with TANKGAY, in olive drab cargo shorts and a robin's egg blue tank. They are at a prime table overlooking the harbor and the boardwalk that runs along it. Across the water, unidentifiable shrieks can be heard.

VISORGAY What is that noise?

TANKGAY
It's a kid.

VISORGAY
No, it's a dog.

TANKGAY
What kind of dog?

VISORGAY
An unhappy dog.

TANKGAY
I'll take an unhappy dog over an unhappy kid.

VISORGAY
What is with all the kids this year?

TANKGAY
I don't know, but they're everywhere.

VISORGAY
(In a radio announcer voice.) It's Kid's Day every Sunday in Fire Island Pines. That's right. Kids drink free.

TANKGAY
(Laughs.) Bring your kid and get a free bottle of WET!

NASTYPLASTY hops up the stairs and into Bay Bar. He wears over-sized sunglasses and thermal shorts with the words "Nasty Plasty" on the elastic band. They are cut off at the calf. The thermals are covered by leopard-print running shorts.

TANKGAY
Look at her!

VISORGAY
(In an affected Kimora Lee Simmons-esque accent.) She has got it going on!

TANKGAY
Obviously has a need to be the center of attention.

NASTYPLASTY darts in, comes out with an iced coffee product, and then runs down the stairs. At the same time a group of MIDDLEAGED GAYS in assorted polos and reading glasses gets up from a back table. They leave a stack of newspaper and magazines behind. TANKGAY goes to the abandoned table and takes the reading material to his table. TANKGAY takes the Economist; VISORGAY takes Time Out New York.

TANKGAY I never actually read this. I just listen to the podcasts while I'm on the treadmill. Sometimes I have to really pay attention because of the accent.

VISORGAY
The podcast is in British?

TANKGAY
Yeah. The other day. What was it? Oh. (Affects a British accent.) The American performing ah-tist, Fifty-Cent. Fiv. Tay. Cint. I'm like, "It's Fiddy. Fiddy!" (He looks at VISORGAY's Time Out.) Before I moved to New York, I used to think that was the best magazine.

VISORGAY
Which one?

TANKGAY
The one you're reading. When I lived outside New York, it seemed like a lifeline, but now I think it's just awful.

VISORGAY
Maybe it's because you live here now. Hmm. No. I think it's gone through a little downfall. Now it's just useful. It's a tool.

TANKGAY takes a Blackberry Pearl out of his pocket, and pushes several buttons.

TANKGAY My sister's kid. Modern. Can text message with the best of them. Told me about something his dog did.

VISORGAY
That's too much info. I read the first sentence of any text message and then I almost always just delete it.

TANKGAY
No wonder my phone isn't working right. All that downloading.

VISORGAY
Exactly. Delete, delete.

BOTH thumb through sections of Sunday's New York Times.

TANKGAY (He looks at The Week in Review section.) Do you know anyone in Minneapolis?

VISORGAY
No. Well. (Closes one eye and knits brows.) I don't know. I don't think so.

TANKGAY
Me either. It's cold there.

VISORGAY
It's cold here. Right? It's cold today.

TANKGAY
You probably got a little sun on your run. Did you bring your shirt?

VISORGAY
No. (He rubs his chest and very slightly tweaks his nipples.) I like the attention.

 

Fine. I'll mention the New York Times Gawker thing

Yes, I read the NY Times Gawker pieces (I,II)this weekend.  My take? 

• It was remarkably lazy reporting.  Choire Sicha is not pleased with how he was quoted in the piece.  The story shouldn't really be "Gawker changed".  The story really is "How Gawker has adapted to the Amurkanization of New York and pop culture".  As I said before, it's a bit early for a Gawker Deathwatch. 
   
• More?  It is amazingly smug that Allen Salkin to assume that those writing blogs "covet an increasingly rare slot among the news media establishment".  Were Salkin to exit his fully-mirrored biosphere, he might realize that many of us are simply tired of mainstream media feeding tired baby-boomer bullshit fluffery.  Lazy.
   
• The real Gawker Media story is the TV-B-Gone stunt pulled by my straight lover Richard Blakely at the Consumer Electronics Show.
   

Lies my Gawker told me

The Times is just too heavy, too unwieldy to carry along for a subway commute.  And my commute is too short to really delve into it.  But a random neuron reminded me of repeatedly reading how gay the Thursday Styles section is, so I handed over my dollar, atwitter with gay expection.

Imagine my flacidity upon finding these compelling articles (wearable computers?, plus-size workout wear?)  Not one iota of gay.  Did Gawker lie to me?  Again, it was a random neuron, so I checked back and was reminded that the section decreased in homosexiness over time.  Maybe it is backlash.  Did the little gay flower of the Times wilt under the intense UV rays of Gawker? 

Regardless, I won't be carrying this two pound albatross around next Thursday, unless, of course, Gawker tells me to.

Random Times

As I was crossing the corner of 23rd and Park, a truck was unloading several hundred copies of the new New York Times 'Marketplace' tabloid.  An older man who came from a truck handed several large stacks over to a tall young guy - apparently the 'hand-off' guy (who was way cuter than the cootie-festered guy that is always throwing a Metro at me in the morning).  After handing over several bundles, he handed over 4 loose copies, telling the younger guy:  "Okay, now these are the ones with the free Metro cards.  Hand them out, you know, like, random."