Manhattan Offender

Phone-cam quickie: Webster Hall Turkey

Lessons learned at Big Lug

Lessons learned at the opening party for Big Lug:

1. If you think you are Clark Kent and you think your little buddy is Jimmy Olsen, you will be surprised when Jimmy takes your camera and proceeds not to take pictures of the party but instead take pictures of mostly himself.
2. Lois Lane will always surprise you.
3. Don't tell Perry White your secrets.  He will write about them.
4. The Daily Planet will remain busy and will in fact be even busier long after open bar.
5. Miller Light is Clark Kent's kryptonite.
6. Clark should never file a story after massive repetitive exposures to kryptonite.

After the jump, pictures of Perry, Clark, Lois and way too many pictures of Jimmy Olsen.  (Oh, and Streaky the Super-Cat, too!)  Really, there would have been more and better pictures if it weren't for the kryptonite.  Follow the links to Jimmy and Perry for more and better pictures!  Clark Kent is going to sleep now ...

Beware the popper monster

You've seen him.  Middle to late forties and standing around six feet, two inches he shuffles between CroBar and Roxy mostly.  His wadrobe is simple:  black shoes, black jeans, a belt with an oversized buckle, no shirt, one of those black leather bicep bracelet thingies, and one very big bottle of poppers.  He is the Popper Monster.

Popper Monster has a game plan.  From coat-check he heads past the bar and straight to the dance floor where he takes in a huge huff of the amyl nitrate.  Several huffs later and he is starting to 'feel it'.  Getting his groove on.  Grabbing that oversize belt buckle with both hands.  Swaying to the music.  Well, swaying.

Now the Popper Monster is not just some old washed-out huffster.  Popper Monster is goal oriented.  That goal, unfortunately involves dancing up against your shirtless back.  At first you might think, "Wow, who is this big guy?  I'm going to peek over my shoulder."  But then you do.  And guess who?  Popper Monster!

A buddy system is important on the dance floor so that when an unwanted admirer appears you can be warned by your buddies.  Having spent the hours between 1:30 and 5:30 a.m. on Saturday night listening to a really decent set by Manny Lehman at the Roxy (to which I was dragged and at which I had a rather good time), there were those moments where you could totally let go and enjoy. 
At one particular moment of an Indio-Brazilian track there was a feeling of full frenzy coursing through every nerve ending to be abruptly halted by seeing my friend Jose's look of fear and mouthing the words:  "Popper Monster".

When you're dancing and amyl is the air,
look around you and beware.
Buddies can protect you when The Popper Monster attacks.
(On weekdays you can find him at Goldman Sachs!)

Amanda Lepore leaves me speechless.

Last night's DIFFA fundraiser at Jeffrey celebrated the amazing Amanda LePore dolls as designed by Jason Wu.  The crowd was wowed by tray upon tray of Godiva chocolates and glass upon glass of Veuve Clicquot.  From the stylings of Kenny Kenny working the door to such luminaries as Patrick MacDonald, Miss Understood, Richie Rich, Mickey Boardman, Rosemary Ponzo, Zach Augustine, and so many many more the event was a feast for the eyes. 

Any writing will not do the event justice, but the Offender-cam
is up to the job.  After the jump, click the pictures and feel like you are there.

Terromoto de Alcorcon banks with Larry Tee

Terromoto de Alcorcon isn't exactly a name that rolls off the tongue, but maybe if put as "that flamenco singer with the video spoof of Hung Up" the recognition is immediate.  The star of Time Gous Con Loli is coming to the US.

Larry Tee, Amanda Lepore, and Sophia Lamar will also be onhand to see de Alcorcon's US debut of her live performance this Saturday at Element (at the Bank, Houston at Essex).

In case you haven't seen the video (Hung Up is so six months ago but still) check it out after the jump.

Breakfast burrito: so many questions

• How does this beast live in the state that spawned Dolly Parton? 
• So now it's okay to shop at Wal-Mart?
• Is a retirement center designed by a tennis living lesbian legend the right place to grow old?
• Why do the gays lie to their doctors?  (Really, mine knows way more than my hairdresser.)
• Is being known as someone who urinates on a teenage girl a better social stigma than being known as bisexual?
• When will Ryan Seacrest come out (against the homophobic comments made on American Idol)?
• Don't those people on the eHarmony commercials look thirsty for some Kool-Aid?  Tasty, quenchy, culty Kool-Aid?
• Dives (Circus) or divas (Vlada) in Hell's Kitchen?

"Uh, hi, my sister is the world's sexiest woman."

Scarlett Johansson is at the top of FHM's list of sexiest women in the world, which might improve her brother's pick-up lines.  This past weekend, Fang, a.k.a. Mister Offender - my man, was hit upon by Johansson at Astoria lesbian dive-bar, Albatross. 

His introductory statement didn't exactly set Fang to swooning:  "Hi, I'm Scarlett Johansson's brother."  (To which I would have replied, "Hot.  I'm Lindsay Lohan's dog-groomer," but I wasn't there.)  Fang spent some time with Hunter, frère de Scarlett, also meeting some of his friends and another brother.  As he is well satisfied at home and not really impressed by slow-witted star siblings, there was no worry on my behalf.

The Irish Pride Parade

Nothing bad about the Irish will be said here, but their big holiday could be done without.  St. Patrick's Day could be this nice demure little holiday where  people of Irish descent perhaps wear a little pin on their lapel or send a lovely card out to their friends.

But no.  This is New York.  Yoo-neek Noo Yawk.  Everything is oversize, including badges of ethnic identity.  Growing up in Indiana, there were two choices: you were blonde-haired and blue-eyed or you were "other".  Moving to New York and confronted with the repeated question, "What's your background?" spurred multiple requests to my parents who in turn had to call other relatives to piece our little tree together.  (German/English/Norweigan/Native American and absolutlely no Irish, by the way.)

All of which is to say that these Ethnifests ring hollow for me.  Even Oktoberfest, which is, as the name implies, a harvest festival thrown in October, is perverted here into some odd German Pride thang.  Why it is that the Irish Pride Parade is allowed to shut down a huge swath of traffic is beyond me.  What can be told is why you should not even bother going to work on Saint Patrick's Day.  And by told, I mean big graphic pictures of people, places and things that just completely turn my stomach regarding #@$#ing Saint Patrick's Day.

Make room on your shelf for Amanda LePore

From the figurative to the literal:  Amanda LePore is a doll, actually a line of dolls.  Instead of plying her with promises and cash to get her through your door, you can just buy her and take her home. 

Although some are snarky or rude when they mention Amanda, we've been around her for years (has it really been over a decade?) and found her to be funny, self-effacing, and beautiful.  Where some artists may use canvas or clay, Amanda has allowed art to subsume her, becoming a piece of living, breathing art.

The dolls will go on sale April 11, exclusively at Jeffrey.  Proceeds will benefit DIFFA (Design Industry Foundation Fighting AIDS).

Until then let Amanda sing for you (and pose after the jump):

Dennis Rodman's surprise

Today's Page Six had a very surprising item:

RETIRED NBA star Dennis Rodman hasn't lost his taste for the wild side. The cross-dressing court jester and his wife, Michelle, spent Wednesday night partying in the VIP section of gay hot spot Splash.

The surprise of course isn't that Rodman and wife were at a gay bar.  He's always been pretty much a friend of the gays.  One surprise is that Splash is a gay hot spot.  The bigger surprise is that it has a VIP section. 

No hateration toward Splash mind you, it's a great place for tourists and students of Gay 101.  Deeming it a 'hot spot' is a bit much, calling a section inside "VIP" is hilarious.