Oprah: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?
Madonna: I am.
M: Hi, Oprah!
O: What are you doing in my mirror?
M: You asked for the fairest and here I am. I'm all about tolerance,world peace and cultural hegemony.
O: I was more going for fair as in beautiful.
M: Lucky you! Here I am!
O: Wait. I borrowed this self-affirmation mirror from my good friend John Travolta. I don't underst...
M: I'm quite self-affirmed.
O: [flustered] Get out of my self-affirmation! Do you ... Do you even know what hegemony means?
M: What does it matter? I pronounce it beautifully.
... and scene.
(I originally posted the above as a comment on Gawker, but it seemed good enough to stand on its own. Granted Gawker probably owns said comment now and will probably sue me. Since my only investment over the years has been Helmut Lang clothing, here's hoping that someone there is a 42 chest and 31 waist.)