Sometimes I receive telephone calls from The Past, a mysterious entity that remembers where things used to be in New York before Starbucks and Whole Foods came to town. Originally posted at Gawker, April 26, 2007.
"Wrigglerump? Is that you?"
"I would think The Past would recognize my voice by now."
"Sorry. I'm a little groggy. Took a Percocet."
"Your recreational drug use—"
"Listen here, Judge Mental. You go and get hit by a cargo van on the West Side Highway and see if you don't want to take a pill or five."