Manhattan Offender

Joe Bruno sways to gays.

Words fail.

Via Andres at Blabbeando.

Tales from the marriage equality frontline - "I'd wear a ribbon, but this is Comme des Garçons!"

This thing is like that thing, but in this thing, you'll be taken behind the scenes of gays that are, like, doing something other than luxuriating in the sun and sand.

SCENE:  Under the elevated subway tracks of the N/W train in Astoria.  Trains come to a squealing stop every few minutes and throngs of people exit the train platform and descend the stairs to the street.  They are met by a group of about fifteen pamphleteers. 

RIBBONGAY:  Ugh.  I just wanted to get up in that guy's face.

FASHIONGAY:  Which guy?

RIBBONGAY:  The one that yelled, "Marriage is for man and woman."

FASHIONGAY:  Oh, right? 

RIBBONGAY:  Yeah.  All I wanted to say is, "For two more months, baby."

FASHIONGAY:  The "baby" would be a bit much.

RIBBONGAY:  Fuck "too much".

SUITGAY:  [loudly to a group coming down from the train platform]  State Senator Onorato is against gay marriage equality!

RIBBONGAY:  I told him that was too wordy.

FASHIONGAY:  His voice is great though.

RIBBONGAY:  But just "Support marriage equality" is enough.  You catch their attention and they read the sign and they take a flyer.

FASHIONGAY:  [loudly]  Support marriage equality!

RIBBONGAY:  You have a great voice.  Butch! 

FASHIONGAY:  I have to conserve it though.  Last time I went to the office the next day?  And they were all, "Up late?" because I was raspy.

RIBBONGAY:  Hey, I didn't give you a ribbon. Here ...

FASHIONGAY:  Oh, no, no.  I'd wear a ribbon, but this is Comme des Garçons!

RIBBONGAY:  What?

FASHIONGAY:  Oh, baby homo, you have much to learn.  Adorable!  [loudly]  Your State Senator is on the wrong side of history!

RIBBONGAY:  That was a good one.

FASHIONGAY:  Right? 

to be continued ...

Astoria State Senator George Onorato refuses to meet with gay constituents. Or their moms. And he hates puppies.

Growing up, it was very clear that one was never to say, "Shut up!" as it was offensive. (Moreso was "Halt's Maul!" which you can look up.) But, you know? Shut up, Palin. Just shut up.

The Associated Press: Palin: Is Kennedy getting 'kid glove' treatment?.

Reports are coming in from the polling places and it turns out voting is sexy and scary and other words starting with a 's' and ending with a 'y'. Or starting with a 'g' and ending with a 'y'.

From Facebook status updates:
(There are about 100 different "friends" talking about voting in their status updates.  These are some of the best.)
 - "JL" Barak'd the vote in less than 5 minutes. im pretty sure im the only person in nyc who didn't have to wait over an hour! now the waiting....jeeeeze!
 - "MD" went to vote twice but gagged at the HUGE line. Trying again shortly...
 - "EP" is going to vote for باراك أوباما. Workers of the world, unite!
 - "GH" was not impressed with the polling officials' competency after the voting machine broke 3 people ahead of him.
 - "JM" is knocking on doors in Philly and everyone is voting! This is fantastic.
 - "MH" saw a stunning Keri Russell on the subway on the way in to vote!
 - "WR" is jealous that his roommates met barry at the polls while he had to vote by absentee. that's president barry, btw.

From text messages:
 - "I have been in line for 3 hours.  I feel like I am trying to get into the limelight."
 - "I swear I just saw 3 hipsters walk out from the district 52 booth at the same time."

From email:
 - "voted and came to work.  called my brother to see if he voted, after telling me that "he did not have time to vote"  i started crying and telling him how ungrateful he is for having the right to vote and not taking advantage of it.  i was so close to saying something like i bet your stupid bitch wife voted for mccane and now he's one vote ahead."
 - "I pray after today Happy Days Are Here Again!"

You see, when you've studied comedy, sometimes you lose track of "the funny" and you start to look at it as, "How would I have handled that?" This takes the joy out of it, but when John Stewart agrees with you, it provides a gratification.

(See yesterday's post if this makes no sense to you.)

So let me be sure I understand this? The country is in a "financial crisis" requiring "emergency bailouts", and Congress in taking the day off for a minor religion's holiday?

Given, two per cent of Americans are Jewish and eight per cent of Congressmen are, but during a "crisis"? 

As your tax-paying, voting boss, I expect you to work on the holidays when something urgent pops up. That ninety-two per cent of you are taking the day off for Rosh Hashanah, a holiday that is not your own?  Pretty shameless. 

This is a nation where McDonald's is open on Christmas Day, K-mart is open on Thanksgiving, and the Bunny Ranch thrives on the Fourth of July.  If you consider yourself, American, get back to work! 

If you can anwer one simple question, you can have the White House - Where's my bailout?

You see, all of these people engaged in the same behavior as the Wall Street folks - risk.  They took a chance that something would become more valuable over time and made a purchase, or, if you will, an investment.  Because they are not networked with other Ivy grads though, we'll point and laugh at their flailing failures.  Those who are within our own circles though, these captains of industry, will receive tax money to save them from their risky behavior.

I've just returned from a weekend in my home (red) state.  The people there work hard and play hard, own their homes and, like most, have invested in one thing or other over the years.  Most of these investments ended up costing them in the end.  They wonder, over fried catfish and green bean casserole and Busch beer, "Where's my bailout?"

If the government is going to prop up the banks, there needs to be a form of bailout for the taxpayer on whom it ultimately falls.  For one, the ridiculous preying of banks through insanely high credit card rates and fee structures needs to be ended through regulation tied to the bailout. 

The candidate that can tie the bailout of the working man to the bailout at large and that can communicate this to the working class voter is the one that deserves to win and, probably, will win the White House.

The above has been on my mind since getting back to the city and it's a topic on which I'd love to expand.  My thought was that some main-stream media outlet would hit upon this at some point, but, be it their insularity or inability to comprehend any non-weather stories, this simple thesis has eluded them.  Finally, a piece at Gawker irritated me enough to put a voice on the thoughts.

Originally posted as a comment here: Things We Actually Like: Americans Scramble To Offer Bundles Of 'Shit' For Sale To Government.

Heart's Nancy Wilson regarding use of song "Barracuda" by highly tenacious, lowly educated hockey mom: "I feel competely fucked over."

Strangely, her feelings are pretty much what all of ours will be if McCain/Palin are elected.

Link: EW.com.

Image:  Via

So the photographer of that now famously photoshopped picture, the one where Sarah Palin's in a flag bikini holding a gun? He's having this very emo response to the comments on his Flickr.

Admit it.  You believed it because you wanted to.  That cynic in you didn't question it when you first saw the presumptive nominee for Vice President in a flag bikini and holding some sort of gun while standing next to a cement pond. 

Alas, though, the too perfect image, encapsulating a nation's fear is actually a photoshopped image (which may have originated here).  The original photographer seems to be a photo-nerd with a taste in books that combines Virginia Woolf and Ray Bradbury, and he's sort of in a fuzzy emo tizzy about it being used.

Developing.

Link: elizabeth - american flag bikini rifle on Flickr - Photo Sharing!.

Via notthatkindagay via mindset.