Manhattan Offender

Minstrelmony.

Stanford Blach and Anthony Marentino are to be married in the next Sex and the City Movie.  They'll be adopting twin gaybies names Stereo and Type.

Street report - a man in a George W. Bush mask just gave me a flyer for a website soon to be closed down by Candace Bushnell's lawyers.

Oops.  Blurry ...  It's for SexToyInTheCity.com.

Evisceratous Rex

Nobody serves up bitch like Rex Reed.  If he holds an opinion, you are sure to know.  Last week's review of Sex and the City (no, I haven't, and, no, I probably won't) shows the Myra Breckinridge (yes, I have, and, yes, I will again) star in classic form:

There’s nothing wrong with Sarah Jessica Parker that couldn’t be cured by wart-removal surgery. That growth on her face just gets bigger with every close-up, and in the full-length movie version of Sex and the City it’s so distracting you can’t concentrate on anything else. It’s not a beauty mark. I guess you can’t tell a co-producer anything, but listen up, girl. At this point, you would make a wonderful Halloween witch. Unfortunately, to fix all the things wrong with Sex and the City, you need more than a scalpel.

Link: Rex and the City: Carrie’s Ladies Who Lunch Aren't The Women | The New York Observer.

If Sex and the City were shot today

RE:  The opening sequence

- The bus ad would be for a column on a website, not a newspaper. 
- That queen in the black mesh shirt and tank top walking by while SJP is being splashed would now have a beard and shorn hair.
- The opening music would be by Yelle.
- The pink tutu would be some Marc Jacobs number. 

RE:  The characters

- In addition to Carrie's job change, Samantha would be fucking Ronn Torrosian, Charlotte would have been scandalized by a gossip website (possibly a rival to the site where Carrie has a column). Miranda would still be a lawyer and still be with Steve. She would be a man. A pregnant man.  (Bonus:  Pregnant man footage after the jump!)
- Instead of smoking, Carrie would be constantly updating her Facebook status via her iPhone.
- They would be more open about the status of their trust funds/inheritances/divorce settlements.
- Samantha would be obsessed about cameras and privacy and masturbate compulsively.

RE:  The new skew

- As a ratings stunt there would be an internet poll as to which one would die.
- Samantha would die from MRSA because Americans hate sexual people.
- Miranda would die next from complications of her gender reassignment.
- Charlotte would die from some bad foie gras.
- Carrie would die when a shoe becomes stuck in a subway grate and a bus slams into her. The bus would have an ad for her internet column.