Manhattan Offender

Quoteable: Linda Stein

"The 80's was so full of nightlife; no one went to the gym ... Life has changed completely."

- Linda Stein, former manager of the Ramones and current real estate broker to "the stars", as interviewed in the NY Observer

Just a little advice

Always try to avoid the public eye
when dumping a load in the public face.

MOcabulary II

TRANSFAT
Overweight trannie, exiled to New Jersey by Mayor Bloomberg.
CUNTCH
She seems good on paper.  She's a knockout.  The kind of girl that any guy would want.  And then she opens her mouth.
WHEVER
Maximally dismissive form of 'whatever'.
FABUTROCITY
See "Lee, Kimora".
DOUCHEOISIE
The majority of people living in glass and steel towers in Manhattan.

MOcabulary

[mid-ling]
verb

• sleeping between two people in a non-sexual manner.  (well, maybe semi-sexual but that's not the point.)
• common activity of "affection vampyres"
• I went over to Jake and Sergio's last night and ended up middling them.

[dey-lahy-tid]
adjective

• to receive the surprise of bright sunlight upon exiting a dark environment
• to think it's night and be surprised that it, in fact, is morning
• to go out at night without sunglasses and find oneself blinded upon exiting a venue or home
• When Sergio's roommate came home, he threw a lifelike hissy and threw us out of the apartment.  We were so daylighted.

[pohst-pop]
adjective

• state of freedom felt when the moral disambiguity is reached and you realize that you could not give two shits about Jessica Simpson, Kevin Federline, or Billy Bush
• making of purchase decision based upon quality rather than marketing
• My postpop life of happiness began when I cancelled my subscription to People.

 

Weather or not

Receptionist:  It's sunny today.
MO:  It'll be Cher tomorrow.
Office Manager:  You know, that one's not half bad.

Introducing your new favorite word ...

What can you call someone to express displeasure anymore?  All of the words of childhood that were expressly verboten are now commonplace.  The mere mention of "bitch" or "asshole" brought the threat of a visit to a cousellor's office. 

(In fact, that office saw me for calling a girl a broomstick.  Said girl was flatchested and had nappy blonde hair and frankly did look like a broomstick.  Three years later she would be the first in our class to leave town to have a baby.  So, in fact, she wasn't a broomstick, she was a stank-ass ho.  My bad.)

Over time, loosening media standards have brought to general conversation such terms as "pussy", "dick", "dickhead", "faggot", "fucker", "cocksucker", "motherfucker" and "motherfucking cocksucker".  Matt Stone and Trey Parker pushed the envelope even farther with the opening of the South Park movie with the rousing tune, "Shut Your Fucking Mouth, Uncle-Fucker".  At the time it provided a bit of a jolt, but now even this seems a bit tame.  Some of the last vestiges were crossed when to the common language came, "cunt".  As the others, it was once unspeakable and now ubiquitous. 

What seems popular today is "douchebag".  Popularized by John Stewart on The Daily Show it is the "pompous ass" of today.  While several other new phrases have entered the lexicon with clever combinations of words none of these have stuck.  "Rapeface", "assmunch", "twatsore", "herpesbreath", "cuntbrow".  Ambitious tries all, but just not sufficient.

So it is with great pleasure that a new choice is now presented.  May I now present to you what is hoped to be your new favorite word ... fuckwipe.

Recent retarded remarks

Following is a listing of things said in the past 24 hours:

• "You put the "th" in "thexy".
• "It's like J.Lo said in The Cell, 'My world.  My rules.'"
• "No, don't laugh.  Swiffering is life-changing."

The Quotable MO: Laundry

Scene:  Walking down my street, returning from the laundomat.  Neighbor-Girl in her early twenties is sitting on her building stoop styling the hair of a Princess Barbie.

MO:  (Walking past.)  Aren't you a little old to be playing with that?

NG:  (Continuing to style the dolls hair.)  No.  And you have a pink laundry bag.

MO:  (Continuing to walk past.)  No.  I have a big pink laundry bag.

It's so nice to meet you.

Hubris tinged with optimism.  Perhaps this is the only explanation for the expression:  "It's nice to meet you."  Having met thousands of people, available evidence suggests that, perhaps, it may actually not always be nice to meet someone.  To state otherwise is to imply that one has foreknowledge of events to transpire, but is, perhaps, not as bad as those how claim to be able to command the actions of a higher being with their conceit of issuing a "God bless you".

The Quotable MO: Oh, yeah, he's great ...

An old classic from our little friend Dankh: 

"Oh, yeah, he's great.  You can talk to him, and you don't have to explain anything."