"The 80's was so full of nightlife; no one went to the gym ... Life has changed completely."
- Linda Stein, former manager of the Ramones and current real estate broker to "the stars", as interviewed in the NY Observer
"The 80's was so full of nightlife; no one went to the gym ... Life has changed completely."
- Linda Stein, former manager of the Ramones and current real estate broker to "the stars", as interviewed in the NY Observer
Posted at 06:29 AM in The Quotable Offender | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Always try to avoid the public eye
when dumping a load in the public face.
Posted at 10:43 AM in The Quotable Offender | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
TRANSFAT
Overweight trannie, exiled to New Jersey by Mayor Bloomberg.
CUNTCH
She seems good on paper. She's a knockout. The kind of girl that any guy would want. And then she opens her mouth.
WHEVER
Maximally dismissive form of 'whatever'.
FABUTROCITY
See "Lee, Kimora".
DOUCHEOISIE
The majority of people living in glass and steel towers in Manhattan.
Posted at 12:01 PM in The Quotable Offender | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Posted at 09:10 AM in The Quotable Offender | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)
Posted at 10:50 AM in Quickies, The Quotable Offender | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
What can you call someone to express displeasure anymore? All of the words of childhood that were expressly verboten are now commonplace. The mere mention of "bitch" or "asshole" brought the threat of a visit to a cousellor's office.
(In fact, that office saw me for calling a girl a broomstick. Said girl was flatchested and had nappy blonde hair and frankly did look like a broomstick. Three years later she would be the first in our class to leave town to have a baby. So, in fact, she wasn't a broomstick, she was a stank-ass ho. My bad.)
Over time, loosening media standards have brought to general conversation such terms as "pussy", "dick", "dickhead", "faggot", "fucker", "cocksucker", "motherfucker" and "motherfucking cocksucker". Matt Stone and Trey Parker pushed the envelope even farther with the opening of the South Park movie with the rousing tune, "Shut Your Fucking Mouth, Uncle-Fucker". At the time it provided a bit of a jolt, but now even this seems a bit tame. Some of the last vestiges were crossed when to the common language came, "cunt". As the others, it was once unspeakable and now ubiquitous.
What seems popular today is "douchebag". Popularized by John Stewart on The Daily Show it is the "pompous ass" of today. While several other new phrases have entered the lexicon with clever combinations of words none of these have stuck. "Rapeface", "assmunch", "twatsore", "herpesbreath", "cuntbrow". Ambitious tries all, but just not sufficient.
So it is with great pleasure that a new choice is now presented. May I now present to you what is hoped to be your new favorite word ... fuckwipe.
Posted at 02:35 PM in The Quotable Offender | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)
Following is a listing of things said in the past 24 hours:
Posted at 11:28 AM in The Quotable Offender | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
Scene: Walking down my street, returning from the laundomat. Neighbor-Girl in her early twenties is sitting on her building stoop styling the hair of a Princess Barbie.
MO: (Walking past.) Aren't you a little old to be playing with that?
NG: (Continuing to style the dolls hair.) No. And you have a pink laundry bag.
MO: (Continuing to walk past.) No. I have a big pink laundry bag.
Posted at 12:02 AM in The Quotable Offender | Permalink | Comments (0)
Hubris tinged with optimism. Perhaps this is the only explanation for the expression: "It's nice to meet you." Having met thousands of people, available evidence suggests that, perhaps, it may actually not always be nice to meet someone. To state otherwise is to imply that one has foreknowledge of events to transpire, but is, perhaps, not as bad as those how claim to be able to command the actions of a higher being with their conceit of issuing a "God bless you".
Posted at 09:49 AM in The Quotable Offender | Permalink | Comments (1)
An old classic from our little friend Dankh:
"Oh, yeah, he's great. You can talk to him, and you don't have to explain anything."
Posted at 12:06 AM in The Quotable Offender | Permalink | Comments (0)