Manhattan Offender

Let's throw a trannie dance party!

Remember when you had action figures as a kid and you'd make them do things out of character, just for fun?  Maybe you'd have Big Jim and GI Joe reek havoc in your younger cousin's Playskool barn.  Or maybe Batman could fly while under your control.  Or maybe Superman would try on some of Barbie's outfits.  Well, maybe that was just me showing off early traits of controlling manipulation.

My manipulative efforts aren't evil; my goals are to help people try new things.  Take the dancing transsexuals and cross-dressers on Xtube.  Most of their videos are pretty awful.  Many could be improved by simply choosing better music.

Proving my point will require a little effort on your behalf, but I think you'll be please with the result.
First, click play and then pause on all the videos below.  Allow all of them to load at least 50 per cent.  (Starting them all at once will just cause them all to sort of stagnate.)  Next, hit mute (the little speaker) on ever video except the first.  Now hit play and you'll have your own little trannie dance party with Chic's "Everybody Dance" as your party music! It's super awesome!  Enjoy!

Future, Tense: It's a Tranny Reclamation Riot!

Every so often a mysterious entity calls me.  The entity calls itself "The Future" and  knows where things will be in New York after the Starbucks and Whole Foods have blanketed the town and then disappeared. 

Episode Three of Twenty.  (Originally posted November 16, 2007 at Gawker.)

"Hello?"

"Zhe shi shenme?  Is that you, nanonips?  I must have hit the wrong avatar on my iPortal!  I meant to call the police!"

"The police?  Are you okay?"

"I was just having lunch at CNNZone in Times Square when all hell broke loose."

"Is it a terrorist attack?"

"A what?  ... No.  Far worse.  It's a Tranny Reclamation Riot."

Non devo aspettare per portare un vestito, II

A few birthdays back there was a gathering at Starlight with around forty people, using my aging as an excuse to drink.  A late arrival was my friend Tia, with an oversized box.  The first thought in my head was how to carry this large box around with me the rest of the night.  The second thought was wonderment as to the contents.

Tia knew how to create a scene.  While most presents were opened with little fanfare, she made sure the assembled crowd, even those not in our party were witness to the opening.  A simple purple ribbon over a white box opened to reveal a profuse amount of purple tissue.  Conceding in my mind that this was a gag gift of tissue in a box, I peeled away the layers. 

Inside was a black pinstriped Dolce and Gabbana suit.  A quick inspection revealed that it was "real" and not D&G, not a knockoff.  Now, mind you, Tia was a great friend.  She had been there during my awkward "coming out" phase of my mid-twenties, getting me into every club and bar for free with ample drink tickets.  She had also always been shrewd in giving me a "thumbs-up" or "thumbs-down" regarding any prey that was in my sights. 

The suit, however, was a bit of a high price point even between such good friends.  Granted, Tia made good money.  In fact she made huge amounts of money, in cash.  That money, gained by being one of the most exclusive transsexual prostitutes in Manhattan, was always geared toward medical procedures and not exuberant expenditures.

With this in mind, I had to find out what was up with the suit.  With her French-Canadian accent she filled me in:

"Remember that client 'Cokie Wigster'?  The one that pays $500 per hour while sitting in front of a mirror wearing a wig, jerking off, and doing lines while I brush the wig and tell him how pretty he is?  Well, he added a new "element" to his fantasy the other day.

He reached into his closet and had me put on his suit while I was doing the gig.  At the end of the session, he told me to keep the suit and wear it the next time.  What he didn't know is that I didn't want to go there anymore.  The doorman has been giving me "the look" and you know how much Wigsy freaks me out. 

Now obviously the suit is way to big for me, but you are exactly his size.  Voilá et Bonne Fete!"

One of the most expensive items in my wardrobe.  Fits like perfectly and never required one alteration.  Formerly owned by a guy in his Forties who lives in the Fifties and loves his wigs and cocaine.

It was the best present ever.

Amanda Lepore leaves me speechless.

Last night's DIFFA fundraiser at Jeffrey celebrated the amazing Amanda LePore dolls as designed by Jason Wu.  The crowd was wowed by tray upon tray of Godiva chocolates and glass upon glass of Veuve Clicquot.  From the stylings of Kenny Kenny working the door to such luminaries as Patrick MacDonald, Miss Understood, Richie Rich, Mickey Boardman, Rosemary Ponzo, Zach Augustine, and so many many more the event was a feast for the eyes. 

Any writing will not do the event justice, but the Offender-cam
is up to the job.  After the jump, click the pictures and feel like you are there.

Introducing Glamazonia

Amazingly Chuck (the famous bartender from The Cock, Barrage, et al) has found yet another way to feature yet another transsexual in his cast of characters for his online web comic, From the Cellar.  For a person that bristles every time he is called "she", this is, to say the least, intriguing.  Could there be a Chucketta in there somewhere?

The Manhattan Offender Interview: Buck, the man with ...

Number twenty in a series.

Interview (and Black Party info) after the jump.

Make room on your shelf for Amanda LePore

From the figurative to the literal:  Amanda LePore is a doll, actually a line of dolls.  Instead of plying her with promises and cash to get her through your door, you can just buy her and take her home. 

Although some are snarky or rude when they mention Amanda, we've been around her for years (has it really been over a decade?) and found her to be funny, self-effacing, and beautiful.  Where some artists may use canvas or clay, Amanda has allowed art to subsume her, becoming a piece of living, breathing art.

The dolls will go on sale April 11, exclusively at Jeffrey.  Proceeds will benefit DIFFA (Design Industry Foundation Fighting AIDS).

Until then let Amanda sing for you (and pose after the jump):

We don't need Madonna anymore. We have Gia.

What was going to be a post to remind you that the remixes for Madonna's Sorry were going to come out today (again)is no longer so.  All of the talents behind those singles (Pet Shop Boys, Green Velvet, etc.) pale before the video version by our newest discovery, Gia.

According to her YouTube profile under the name gialicious, she is a young hairdresser living in West Hollywood, CA.  Her hobbies include dancing and world travel.  Her favorite movie is Who's That Girl.  Her favorite book is Thing of Beauty.  Her lip-synching while holding recording device skill - flawless.

Breakfast burrito

• Drop the attitude and give Christopher Street some props.
• Suspicious package?  MTA security is keeping the women's rooms transsexual-freel.
• During an emergency "gay bars should remain open as community centres and gathering places for news and support".  And here we thought there was no reason to move to L.A.
• Who can turn the world on with her smile?  Amanda LePore!  (Via Queerty)
• Clay Aiken is a joke.  (scroll to bottom (no pun intended))
• Enough about Clay, who will be the next Gaymerican Idol?

Spoiler: America's next top trannie

By now you've set your TiVo for Friday's episode of America's Next Top Model, Daytime Edition The Tyra Banks Show. Tyra will be taking to the streets to find a model with a little something extra. Yes, the winner of this competition will be crowned America's Next Top Transexual Model. If you happen to subscribe to Instinct though, you've already seen the photo shoot starring the winner in the issue just out this week.

(Apologies for the blatant spoiler, one of those "click here to reveal the winner" links was attempted, but it failed. Maybe some bloggy godmother can give me some pointers? But really, if you don't want to ruin the show for yourself, click down, quick-like. Oh, and just to create more spoiler space, the scanner doesn't seem to be working and, yes, it is a known fact that taking photos of the magazine is guh-etto. Thank you for noticing.)

Presenting ... CLAUDIA!