Are you feeling the realness all the way deep inside? The girls on Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll Buttaface Dogs Present: The Search for the Next Dog sure are. But before this recap/homage can even be typed out a proper shout has to go outward to the man on the production team it is to blur out buttcrack. Because never in the history of television has so much coinslot been so blurred so perfectly so as to still honor the crack without actually exposing the hole thing! Technology gets a lot of credit, but there are artists at work here.
This week an unnamed Buttaface Dog visits the girl. (Like, she has a name, but she's like one of the one's that'll never go solo, so it's okay to forget her name. Like I totally did.) Then she leaves. And is never mentioned again.
Anyway Robin Antin thinks of an innovative thing to do that she also did last week which is divide the girls into teams of equal numbers. Which she can't do next week becausing there will be seven girls. Unless she just tells one of them that they're going to win anyway and that she can just hang out with her for the week. Anyway the girls have to do these songs from the 1970s. Heartbreaker is by Pat Benatar and will be 'performed' by Sizzly, Cannon, Chelsea, and Melissa This. Free Your Mind is by En Vogue is will be 'performed' by Anastacia, Biracia, Fodder, and Melissa That.
Immediately it is decided that Fodder and Chelsea will be this episodes weak links because Fodder doesn't sing and Chelsea doesn't dance. And neither one menstruates. The backup weak links are Cannon because she is invisible and Sizzly because she is so so so punk rock. Sizzly bursts in to tears to get ahead in the backstoying.
And then Robin thinks of something that she'd seen on another reality show that she can use to promote her brother at the same time. Her brother with the matching chin is brought in to create new looks for the girls and the changes are mind-numbing. Straight hair goes curly. Curly goes straight. Cat chases dog! It's wuh-to-the-ild!
After the makeover, the girls are taken to a 'club' to hang out with Lil Kim, who isn't asian despite her surname. And Sizzly cries again because she wants to rehearse and to hang out with Chelea because she has bangs in her hair now.
Noticing Sizzly getting ahead in the important crying category, Mariela Fodder and Melissa That catch up during the challenge. Upon hearing her own voice, Fodder is so disgusted her tears flow easy. Same up with Melissa when Ron Fair tells her she wins which reminds her that she exists and makes her happy.
Finally the girls go to the final competition where the girls are introduced to Robin Antin, Ron Fair, and Lil Kim since they might have forgotten them since speaking to them last night. The three judges do their best to talk during the 'performances'. The girls are then commented upon by the judges with Robin providing generic platitudes, Ron giving a straightforward analysis, and then Kim saying, "I have to agree with Ron."
As Fodder is told and advised to that she is not strippery enough to be a Buttahface Dog, she decides that she will take the experience with her for the rest of her life, as she contacted herpes from the toilet seat.